My Final Post of 2010

It's hard to believe its already the end of 2010. Its been a year of changes and with its ups and downs. I started blogging mainly to hopefully make a difference to someone out there reading. My life and most times is rather dull and God willing the year 2011 will find me all sorts of places doing all sorts of things. I type this to you as I sit alone in my apartment. I could have been with my family, if I didn't have to babysit-which wound up not happening anyways, which is unfortunate. So I feel that I could have stayed and enjoyed some more time with the fam. Anyways, a recap of my year:

I'm still in college and had finished another year in May. I stayed in South Carolina and took a summer class and it gave me the opportunity to do some exploring around here. In April, God took home my cousin Rebecca who had been battling cancer. She was an amazing person here on earth, and she has made a huge impact on her community. She started a fund, Cure With Hope which is raising money for Mass General children's cancer ward. Right after she passed I went up to Boston to visit my sister and brother-in-law and we went to visit my aunt and uncle. I very much love the city of Boston. I need to spend more time to see everything, but I got to see quite a bit. I journeyed to MLC for probably my last time in May to see many of my friends graduate. I was sad that it wasn't me, but hey got to roll with the punches. My brother graduated from highschool in early June and is now attending Kansas University. My parents moved to Florida right after my brother graduated. I was blessed to finally get a job at the end of August and now am a babysitter for a pretty great kid. For Thanksgiving I went to North Carolina to my aunt and uncles cabin. It was nice to get a little break from school and the chaos that is. In my previous post I mentioned my Christmas break and its getting close to coming to an end. I'm happy yet not looking forward to starting classes. The sooner they start the sooner I get done.

Well that was a short version of the major events that happened this year. I hope next year is full of amazing opportunities and wonderful surprises. I hope I can cross some things off my bucket list. So this is so long 2010 and hello 2011!

Christmas Break

I have been on Christmas break now since Dec 9th. It has been a very much needed break and very relaxing. I road tripped back to Wisconsin to visit friends and family. Although I was sick for the first 3 days and was limited to what I could do! I did a lot of shopping and hanging out with my best friend Amber. I also went to visit my grandparents and a few other friends. I unfortunately was not able to visit everyone I had hoped, mainly because my stay in WI was limited and I had to be back in FL by the 23rd. But I did have a great time regardless. I also got to meet some new people!

My brother and I drove 21 hrs straight to get to FL. It was a long trip and it had its normal bumps...traffic, not great weather, bathroom stops and gas fill-ups. We ate as unhealthy as any person could, fast food all day. We finally arrived around 1 am on the 23rd. After a much needed shower I was off to bed.


Christmas Eve came and we went out to dinner at a sushi place and then we went to church...arriving late as is usual for my family. Christmas Day came and went, it didn't even feel that we had Christmas. On top of that the weather was near 70 definately not our typical Christmas weather. We did skype with my sister and brother-in-law and that at least made it feel that we had more family here. I did get a lot of gifts but the best one by far was getting a Wii system. Although, I'm happy with the material gifts I received, I am more happy of the birth of Jesus. His birth means so much: soon it will be his death and ressurrection that we ponder and thank him for.


The next few days will mainly consist of more relaxation. I will be returning to South Carolina on Thursday and will continue babysitting again. Classes start Jan 10th...which is crazy, but I am ready to get this last semester (keep fingers crossed) underway. Of course I will still have summer class, but I'm ok with that. It gives me more time to look for a job and travel the southeast before I move for good!

Amber and I with Sprecher man

With the Grinch

Making Christmas cookies

Blue Christmas

There is nothing like the sound of Elvis's voice! The lyrics I guess should be sad, because who would want to be away from someone they love or care about during the holidays? Any person would have a blue christmas. But unfortunately in this time with a war going on, there are a lot of people who will be having a 'blue' christmas. They may not necessarily be alone, but heck if your spouse was overseas during the holidays, that can't be very fun! Even though I love the beat and sound of the song, I would certainly not want to have a blue christmas!

O Christmas Tree

I decided since many people have advent calendars and countdowns to Christmas that perhaps I could briefly talk about a Christmas Carol/song everyday until Christmas. Today is O Christmas Tree otherwise known in German as O Tannenbaum. I'm not a big fan of this song, but it is quite popular on the radio. It is about this time of the year most people are cutting down trees or bringing out the fake ones from the basement and putting them up. Decorating the tree with lights and garland as well as ornaments begins over the next few weeks as well! I'm going to miss this years tree picking. I miss the family bundling up and driving to the Christmas tree farm and we'd walk for what seemed like hours around the place trying to find a tree. Most of the time we would walk through a foot of snow and be completely frozen by the time we are done. We'd probably complained and hated it, but I look back and wouldn't take back any of those times. They were so much fun! The family together finding a tree that will only last for a few weeks. I always looked forward to sipping on hot cocoa after the fact and then sitting by a warm fire afterwards.

The tree is a symbol of life to me. We continue to grow and learn through the whole year, we don't stop and die when the weather changes. The tree is always green, even through the cold and snow.

Today I went to a Christmas shop and they had a whole bunch of fake trees decorated in different themes: SEC football teams, beach, snowflakes, marshmallow figures, seasame street and sock monkey's just to name a few. I love how creative people can be with their trees. It reminded me of a time back in grade school when we took a field trip to the museum and they had trees decorated from countries around the world. It was pretty neat to see how another country would decorate. Its funny/interesting to see that Christmas is a world holiday and we all celebrate it. Usually I just think about people in the states and that they are the only people who do this. We may all have different decorations and traditions, but yet we still sit around a tree. Its practically the centerpiece of Christmas (except that Christ is!)

So if you are decorating a tree...have fun and be creative and remember people on the other side of the world are doing the same thing!

Photo is not mine!

Thanksgiving

It felt so nice to get out of S. Carolina for awhile. It was nice to have a break from school. Although now that I'm back it is really hard to get back into the rhythm of doing anything! I've been doing a lot of thinking about my future, but I have to get through next semester and summer and hopefully I will be done. fingers crossed.

My crazy brother!

Anyways, Thanksgiving was spent at my aunt an uncle's cabin in N. Carolina. It is probably a tradition now. We've been going for more than 5 years now. I love going to the middle of nowhere and not having access to the internet and not having good phone service. It forces you to get connected with your family. But its not hard. I haven't seen most of my family in months so there is always stuff to talk about. I arrived on Wednesday mid afternoon and was greeted by my brother and my uncle and his brother. I sat down and had some lunch and a brewskie. (much needed after the long drive.) I spend most of the afternoon talking to my brother. My dad drove up that night and hit a deer about 2 miles from my aunt and uncle's. Luckily he was ok and the car wasn't damaged. The deer was ok too! On Thursday, much of the day was spent cooking and eating. We had turkey, quail, sweet potato souffle, mashed potatos, broccoli casserole, rolls and of course multiple choices of pie. Much to my surprise I couldn't eat as much as I normally do, I have weight watchers to thank for that!

On Friday, my aunt and mom were not feeling well, but my mom wanted to get out of the house, so we went to Blue Ridge, Georgia. The town was so cute and decked out for Christmas. My dad, brother and I got to sit in santas sleigh, but I forgot my camera so I have no picture. It was cold that day, not even above 40! But it felt nice. We did a little shopping and then headed back.

River in N. Carolina

Saturday, my mom left to go back to Florida, cuz she wasn't feeling well and had to work the next day. My dad, brother and I decided to go for a drive and drive we did. Dad wouldn't listen to me and so he took a wrong turn. But I guess what are adventures for if you always follow the map? Needless to say I conked out on the way back. We went out for Mexican food with everyone. I tried to put my Spanish skills to use, but alas, I suck! We watched many college football games as well. Many good games and more shuffling of BCS standings. This makes me happy!

Looks like snow, but its frost!

Sunday I left. I didn't want to leave just yet! Mainly, because I knew when I got back I'd have to get back down to the nitty gritty final projects. Also, because I love hanging out with my family and being in beautiful mountains. My car needless, to say was completely frosted over. Luckily, my dad had given me a scraper before he left so at least I could scrape it off.

Just an Update

Well the 1st semester of my final year of college is coming to an end. We have the rest of this week and then the week after thanksgiving for classes and then exams and thats it. I have been crazy busy with projects, papers, studying, etc and I can't wait for Christmas break to come! Even Thanksgiving break will be nice, so I can get away for a little bit. I've also been babysitting a lot more than I usually do. Liam is so funny! You ask him a question and he won't answer anything remotely to what you just asked. Like last night, he spilled his spaghetti-o's on the floor and I asked him how that happened. He said, "It hit my head and fell off my spoon and in the garbage." Ha ha ha. I have no idea how that equates to it landing on the floor but its funny no less. Then I took my glasses off to clean them and he wanted to try them on, he looked so cute! I took some pictures and will try to get one on here. He's such a cheese! Anyways, I hope soon before I leave and have no internet access for thanksgiving, I can post a blog on here about the things I'm thankful for!

PEACE!

It's been awhile

It has been awhile since I wrote last. So much for trying to stay on top of this thing. But hey, I guess that means I have been busy with other things. Those other things would be school and work. There is never a dull moment in my life. Currently, having difficulities getting into a needed class for next semester otherwise I won't be graduating. That is never a good thing. But I guess when life hands you lemons you got to make lemonade.

In honor of all the struggles I deal with I know there are always good songs to remind me that things are going to be ok...Life Ain't Always Beautiful by Gary Allen

Life ain't always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
LIfe can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life ain't always beautiful
you think you're on your way
and it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggles make you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin' its sweet time

No life ain't always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life ain't always beautiful
But its a beautiful ride

And I wish for just one minute
I could see your pretty face
Guess I can dream, but life don't work that way

But the struggles make you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin its sweet time

No life ain't always beautiful
tears will fall sometimes
Life ain't always beautiful
But its a beautiful ride

Frustrations

The time has come where school is going to get really hectic, thanks to final projects, papers and exams. On top of all of that there is always outside stuff to deal with. I babysit and thats not a frustration necessarily, it is my break away from school for a few hrs. But sometimes when I have so much to do, watching a 3 year old boy isn't always easy. Even though I have to tack on a few more classes for summer and have no idea if I will be graduating in spring, but knowing I will be at the end of summer, freaks me out. I have to begin searching for a job. I have to figure out if I want to do some overseas work, not sure what I'd be doing. I want to travel, before I settle in on a job. However, I may need a job to pay for that travel. Putting together resumes and such is another added frustration...but needs to get done. Another issue is where will I be living after college. I know I don't want to stay here. I thought about going back to the midwest so I could be closer to my best friends, but I don't want to move back just for them. My dream state would be to live in Colorado. So maybe there. I know I have time to think about it, but life is going to begin picking up speed in the next few months and next August will be here before I know it. Another frustration of mine is the place I'm living at recently just changed all of the cable stations. I don't usually watch much tv, so I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with it, except for the fact they took away most of the stations I watched. They know have about 10 home shopping networks and 5 cartoon stations which all play the exact same show. They took away ESPN, which I find rather ridiculous. Not that I spend countless hours watching it, but usually at 10pm, I watch SportsCenter to recap on the days events. In place of ESPN they put the SOAPnet. How ridiculous is that?! Grrrr! A final frustration of mine is my toilet has been broken since last Friday. I went and put in a work order to get it fixed. I knew that no one would come and fix it because it was the weekend and apparently everyone I pay to fix these things weren't around. So I was anticipating for them to come sometime today...no! Granted its only 2:30...but usually they have come by this point. I'm annoyed because my toilet doesnt flush so every time I use the bathroom I have to stick my hand in the tank and pull the plug and then it flushes. I'm sick of it! I'm paying a ridiculous amount of money to live here and maintanence should be here and get it fixed. I feel that I have to fix all of their jobs. I was the one who had to go chase around cockroaches and then had to spray for them, cuz they couldn't do it. I apparently will have to find a way to fix the flusher, because people here have told me there are kits out there, which means I will have to pay money for that, something they should be doing. Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!

It's Been Awhile

I guess its been awhile since my last post. I can't say I've been terribly busy, I just don't get on my computer that much. I'm disappointed in myself that I didn't have a day to day journal this past month as I had hoped. But alas, I will try again next month.

This past weekend my parents came into town. It was nice to have them around. Got me away from campus and school for a bit. Gave me some time to reboot and get ready for the final month of school for the semester. Thats so wierd for me to think. I was getting excited for the fact I had only 191 days of school left, but I have to take summer classes which sucks, but hopefully after that I will be officially done. So I'm going to have to take on another 70 days to that and basically I'm back where I started.

Anyways, when my parents were here, we walked alot along the beach. My father and I attempted to go swimming, but the water was pretty darn cold, but so was the air temprature. My mom didn't even stick her toe in the water. We went to the CCU football game and they lost of course. During the entire game, we had this idiot sitting behind us. Yelling about this that and the other thing. He was yelling about the quarterback saying he sucked and that he didn't deserve to play, but then the quarterback makes a wonderful pass and then he's like wow I'm surprised he threw that good. All 3 of us were about ready to punch the dude's lights out. Mom was a popsicle by the time we got back to my place. On Sunday, we did some more walking and I took them to a couple of tourists shops. Then they had to get back home.

What I'm most looking forward to next is Thanksgiving break!

Pumpkins

One of my favorite things to do during the month of October is to carve pumpkins. Usually I would just draw the typical face and have my dad saw out the face. I don't have much patience to sit and work on a project for 5 continuous hours, but last night I did. I decided to carve out the Minnesota Wild's logo. They are my favorite hockey team. (It's funny my sister has a blog and her post had to do about sticking with a team regardless of how well they do.) The Wild hasn't been doing so well, but I'm not going to switch to another team, just because mine tends to lose.

This is my pumpkin. Not exactly the greatest picture, but I think it turned out rather cool.

As we were laboriously working on our pumpkins, one of my friends asked "how come we carve pumpkins anyways?" I thought that years ago people carved them and lit them to keep evil spirits away, but I wanted to find out more. It all started in Ireland and Scotland during the 17th century. They originally carved turnips but after the potato famine sent thousands of immigrants to America they then began carving pumpkins. There are stories about how the carved pumpkin got the name jack o'lantern. One version of the story that I like was "There was a guy named Stingy Jack and he was having a drink with the devil. When the bill came Jack refused to pay. Somehow Jack convinces the devil to turn into a coin. Jack puts the coin/devil in his pocket. Jack also has a cross in his pocket which makes the devil powerless. Before Jack released the devil he made sure the devil would never claim his soul. Jack managed to save his soul from the devil, but God wouldn't let him into heaven. So Jack was stuck to walk the earth in darkness. Jack cried to the devil and asked how he could find his way through the darkness, the devil laughed and gave him an ember from the eternal fire. However, the ember was too hot so Jack put the ember in a carved turnip." Thus we have the beginning of the jack o'lantern.

Ten Ten Ten

Yes its 10/10/10 today. Pretty cool. We are a third of the way through this month already. Rather hard for me to believe. Not much has been going on around here, besides school and chasing more cockroaches. :p I'm so sick of finding them and trying to kill them. I shouldn't have to be dealing with this. I shouldnt be having to spray roach spray and inhale fumes, isn't that someone else's job? Isnt that why I'm paying this school a ridiculous amount of money, so someone else can take care of the bug population? I should get my money back then, if I'm the one doing someone else's job!

Anyways, enough about that...I spent most of the day at the beach, since I couldn't stand the smell of bug spray fumes in my place. The ocean was near flat today. The weather was absolutely perfect. I walked about 3 miles down the beach and back and got to see 2 jellyfish, 5 crabs, a starfish and lots of unique shells and coral. My parents have also decided to visit me in 2 wks which will be nice. But that does nothing for me...because I want to get away from here for a bit. Only in time it will come. I'm also very happy that someone upset the established order in college football. I love when teams upset number ones. It makes me happy. Next week should get even more interesting and juicy.

From an amazing man and author, Mark Twain "20 years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So...Explore. Dream. Discover."

Ooooooo

Ok so I'm not going to fill you in on the history of ghosts or any factual stuff. I'm here to state my feelings on ghosts. I have tried for many years to understand why people think ghosts exist. I don't believe in ghosts. I believe that when you die your soul goes to heaven or hell. There is no in between where your body hovers around in a building, haunting those who live or work there. I watch shows like GhostHunters and just get a kick out of them trying to pick out a noise that automatically means theres a ghost. I know most of the time they try to debunk that there is a ghost present. It is hard because when you are not physically there and you are just watching it on tv, it seems ridiculous. Maybe if someone could take me some place thats filled with ghosts or paranormal activity I could believe they exist. But even then, it would be hard for me to believe. I want to see a ghost, not feel something that is cold, or see a meter moving. Those things wouldn't seal it for me, I would need to see the physical spirit/ghost being thing. I believe that demons exist and maybe thats what people think are ghosts. Until someone can point me in a clear direction, I will not believe in ghosts!

Witches

I'd have to say out of all the possible classic costumes a child could wear, witches are the best. A witch is someone who has skills in sorcery and magic, beyond what a normal human could ever think of doing. When people think of witches many think they are evil, because they are mixing with an unknown world so to speak. They could be mingling with satan and his evil spirits among other things. But many witches were not really intending to be evil, many were just mixing herbal potions and tried to heal the sick. Witches dated back to the ancient Greeks and even Egyptians.

Of course move to the late 1600s and you begin the Salem witch trials, which is probably the famous trial of witches in the world. Those were said to be witches, had convulsions (be possessed) or were seen supposedly casting some sort of evil on people in the community. Many were tried and executed.

Witches were found in plays, and stories and then movies. People have had such a fascination with witches, but many who practice today reamain 'undercover'. Witches aren't as popular today as they were hundreds of years ago, but don't go on thinking that they don't exist.

Also witches don't tend to ride around on brooms and they also don't usually wear black and have a pointy black hat. Not all witches own a black cat or a cauldron. (that would be Hollywoods version of a witch.)

I vant to suck your blood!

So recently there have been lots of movies and tv shows about vampires. I'm not sure what the recent interest is, but vampires have been around for hundreds of years. The first time vampires were mentioned was 5000 b.c. Thats a long time ago. Todays vampires aren't exactly what vampires were back years ago. Vampires were not able to go out in the light, according to some shows if they wear a special ring they can, but thats not true. According to the twilight gang they glitter in the sun and not burn like real vampires do. Vampires also feed on human blood, not typically animal blood.

According to researchers, there are certain medical cases where people have a sexual thirst for blood and that categorizes them as vampires. (otherwise known as insane.) There was this one vampire named Vlad the Impaler who would nail hats to people's heads and then skin them and impale them on stakes. He would then dip bread into their blood. Thats disgusting.

In Europe through much of the middle ages and onward, when someone who was suspected to be a vampire was dead they made sure to put a boulder on their grave to they couldnt leave. Ways you could repel a vampire include, but not limited to: garlic, fire, bells, peppermint, running water, etc.

Another interesting fact about vampires is the whole concept of being invited into someones house. A vampire cannot entire a house without first being invited in. If you do invite them in, they will forever be allowed to enter, even without permission.

Mermaids can also be vampires, instead of sucking blood, they suck breath.

There are some countries that believe pumpkins and watermelon can turn into a vampire if not eaten by Christmas. If any sort of blood is dropped on them, the surely will turn into a vampire.

Fascinating isn't it? And this is just scratching the surface.

Arrrr....Matey

I'm not sure how interesting this is going to be, but here goes nothing.

I want to start off a story about pirates. This event happened in my early childhood, around 6 years of age. My family and I went to Disney and we were on the Pirates of the Carribean ride. I wanted nothing more than to get off the ride (even though it was probably really harmless). My parents tell me that I tried to jump off the boat (as if that would have helped me escape). This makes me question if pirates are scary? I've seen and own all 3 Pirates movies and love them. But then again those are movies. I don't think pirates are meant to be scary. Sure they robbed and pillaged and would do whatever it took to get treasure, but honestly who wouldn't?

Many children dress up as a pirate for Halloween and rightly so. They may not be robbing someone of their candy, but they are getting treasure. Here are some interesting things about pirates:

They have a code. I honestly just thought that was something made up. I read the code which has essentially 9 rules. Many of them if not followed result in a beating or death. And to go along with the Pirates movies there are such things as pieces of eight. The jolly roger shown on many pirate flags were meant to show no mercy towards crew/capitan that are captured. There were many different positions held on a pirate ship from the capitan to a powder monkey to a boatswain. They also have their own language so to speak. Ex: I will send you to Davy Jones' Locker aka I will send you to the depths of the sea, where you will meet your death. Most pirate ships were captured out at sea and not built on land and then taken out to sea. Of course there are plenty of famous pirates, who left their mark on the world forever.

New Month...New Ideas

We have finally made it to what I think is the best month of the year. It may not have the best holidays, but it has a pretty good one. Plus, this is when (if you're in a northern state) you are able to witness full on color change and much cooler weather. It also gets you in the mood for the holidays that are coming.

So my thoughts for this month are to blog on different things associated with the month of October like Halloween, Reformation, Columbus day, etc. I also want to focus in on traditions and specific halloween costumes like witches and vampires etc. I want to get historical and learn some things for myself and share them with others. I have quite a bit in mind. I hope that I can write almost everyday, otherwise I will write longer posts. I of course will keep you updated on my life as well. I don't anticipate anything exciting to happen, but thats just it...I don't plan for things and crap happens.

Tomorrows anticipated post: Pirates

Epic Fail

Typically, I have rather dull weekends filled with homework and maybe a dinner and movie with friends. Well as I stated in yesterdays post the day was good, minus the allergic reaction. Today, however took a turn for the worse. I managed to stub my toe and hurt it crack I can no longer feel it, so it probably broke. It also rained this morning. I had just gotten back from church and had to park sort of far away so I decided to run to my apt. I didn't think the stairs would be wet, but they were and I managed to slip up the stairs full force. Both of my shins took a beating and so did my left arm. Basically my body hurts. My body took a beating this weekend, sunburn, allergic reaction, possible broken toe and 3 limbs have bumps and bruises. On top of all of that its supposed to rain everyday, hardcore until Friday morning. I wanted the rain and yes its cooling things off quite nicely. Its not supposed to get above 80 this week which will be nice for a change. Thats about the only good thing that will come out of this. I guess I also learned my body can take a handful of crap thrown at it and still fight to live another day.

Biggest Loser

Today was a rather fun day. Minus the fact that I got burnt and had a minor allergic reaction to something. Despite all of that I was able to witness a section of the biggest loser. Down at the beach the biggest loser people were in town and I was pretty stoked. I love watching that show and love Jillian, she's pretty kickass. I didn't get to meet either of them, but watching overweight people try to run a decent distance down the road and having people cheer for them was an overwhelming experience. You can see the pain on their faces just trying to cross the finish line, but then friends and family are there to cheer them on and help them finish the race.

I didn't stay very long, and headed to the ocean for a nice swim. My friends were with as well. The current was quite strong and we were swimming against it which I guess added resitance more or less. The water was very refreshing and salty...but I suppose that's the ocean for you. It's safe to say I had a pretty succesful day, and now the sun is long gone and the day is nearly through. I'm still itchy and have a welt on my feet...not sure what thats all about. (and the Benadryl isn't doing squat for it.) So I am toughing it out. I'll probably wake up with a swollen eye or lip or something bizzare. I'm just hoping its nothing bad. So another end to a pretty good weekend. (Yes I say end to the weekend because tomorrow I will be at church then I will be working on homework ALL day...and thats not fun.)

FALL...its almost here!

Fall...its almost here!! This is my favorite season, however living in the south does not allow me to enjoy fall...ever! The first day of fall is the 23rd. I always thought it was on the 21st, but its not. Surprise to me. I'm sure there is some scientific explanation for it, something about the location of the sun to the earth, but I don't really care about that.

Normally, I love fall because it gets cooler and the best holidays are coming up. Obviously, I don't get to enjoy the crisp, fall air for at least another month. By then, most things are dead and we don't get 'fall' as the north knows it. I also love fall for the amazing colors, but again we get a grand total of maybe 3 days that allow changing of leaves, before they all fall off the trees. I only have to suffer through this one last year and then next year I can head back up north and be able to enjoy fall again.

I also love fall for football. I love fall because its the season that reminds me of grade school days and many memories I had from that season. Ahhh soon it will be fall here, I just have to hold out a few more weeks.

My Blessings

I do a lot of thinking and most of the time its not usually the best. But today I was thinking about the things I've been blessed with. (These thoughts are mainly in anticipation of Thanksgiving.) I wrote a thank you letter to my parents today, which I plan on giving to them on Thanksgiving. I like to think its heartfelt and it will probably make them cry. Anyways here are some of my blessings:

*My family- this includes, but is not limited to, my parents, brother, sister and her husband, my aunts and uncles and cousins and my grandparents. We are not exactly the closest bunch (I mean that location wise). We are some crazy people and we don't always get along, but thats what makes us a family and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

*My friends- I have some extremely close friends that I would kill to have with me right now and some close friends who I love to have around and have a good time with.

*My faith- Where would I be without the knowledge of my Savior? There will never be enough thanks to my Lord and Savior for all that He has done for me!

*Good health (well for the most part)

*The ability to overcome difficulties and hardships

*Days that are full of sunshine. Mainly because I can watch the sunset on my balcony every night.

There are plenty of other things that I am thankful for, these are just a few!

Hands Held High by Linkin Park

Turn my mic up louder I got something to say
Light weights step to the side when we come in

Feel it in your chest the syllables get pumping
People on the street they panic and start running

Words on loose leaf sheet complete coming
I jump in my mind and summon the rhyme, I'm dumping

Healing the blind I promise to let the sun in
Sick of the ways we march to the drum and

Jump when they tell us they want to see jumping
Fuck that I wanna see some fists pumping

Risk something, take back what's yours
Say something that you know they might attack you for

Cause I'm sick of being treated like I have before
Like it's stupid standing for what I'm standing for

Like this war's really just a different brand of war
Like it doesn't cater the rich and abandon the poor

Like they understand you in the back of the jet
When you can't put gas in your tank

These fuckers are laughing their way to the bank and cashing the cheque
Asking you to have compassion and some respect

For a leader so nervious in an obvious way
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay

And the rest of the world watching at the end of day
In their living room laughing like what did he say?

Amen

In my living room watching but I'm not laughing
Cause when it gets tense I know what might happen

World is cold the bold men take action
Have to react or get blown into fractions

10 years old its something to see
Another kid my age drugged under a jeep

Taken and bound and found later under a tree
I wonder if he had thought the next one could be me

Do you see the soldiers they're out today
They brush the dust from bulletproof vests away

It's ironic at times like this you pray
But a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday

There's bombs on the buses, bikes, roads
Inside your market, your shops, your clothes

My dad he's got a lot of fear I know
But enough pride inside not to let that show

My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine

On the back, he hand wrote a quote inside
When the rich rage war its the poor who die

Meanwhile, the leader just walks away
Stuttering and mumbling for the nightly news to replay

And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
both scared and angry like what did he say

With hands held high into the sky so blue
As the ocean opens to swallow you

Amen



This is an older song by Linkin Park, but still rings true to this very day. The world is falling apart all around us. There are wars being fought in the middle east and in our own homes. More and more suicide bombers than ever before. Innocent people being killed or subject to other worse situations. The rich complain about crap that the poor could never begin to pay for. But its the poor cleaning up the wrongs of the rich. Why should I give a darn about the mistakes of a billionaire? Why should I feel bad for that person? I should be allowed to stand for what I believe in without being harrassed. What happened to our freedoms? Look at this situation with the mosque being built (supposed to be) down the road from the World Trade Centers, and how insane this topic is becoming. You have one group of people who don't want the mosque to be built because it's disrespectful to the families of the victims of 9/11. The other side supports the building of the mosque because Muslims have the right to worship and have their freedom of religion. We have idiots burning the Koran because that will make all of this hate between nations stop. What is happening to our country? We seem to have lost all sense of direction and purpose and reason for which this land was founded in the first place. We have presidents who can't seem to get their acts together and figure out what to do with our country and situations going on in the middle east. Then we watch these public figures struggle to tell us what is going on and they lose their credibility. Some day you wish for peace, but that peace won't come til the last day and the earth is destroyed and believers will go to heaven and unbelievers will go to hell. Pray for this country! Pray for our president and government! Pray for the world; that we don't just set aside our differences during world events like the olympics, but all the time.

Yeah Me!!

I have been struggling for sometime to get back on some sort of exercise routine. I get one day in and I'm like I can't do this everyday. I've been told it takes 14 days to make a habit stick and takes only 1 day to break it. This can be applied to anything we try to do. Then I told myself maybe my motivator for working out, isn't what it should be. Typically, my mindset is to lose weight and get down to a certain weight loss goal, however this time around I'm thinking about my health. I want to make my lungs and heart stronger. I want to have more energy again! But hey, I'm not going to say losing some pounds would hurt. I'd love to get to my goal weight, but I got to start with baby steps.

I had thought for awhile about creating a competition so to speak with a few friends, to make it a little more worth my while, added motivation so to speak. Then it occurred to me I don't know which friends of mine would seriously put forth the effort to do it. I guess I won't know unless I ask, but right now I'm going at it alone. I have a set goal of where I want to be come the end of the year, granted that is a few months down the road yet. But like I said you gotta start somewhere.

I just bought some Zumba dvd's to do in the comforts of my home and it came with a fitness plan and an order of how you should do the exercises. That has been fun. I've done it 3 days now and according to the plan today is my day of rest. Then I'm back on for 3 more days and off again. This plan is only a 3 wk plan and I'm sticking with it. I will see where I'm at at the end of the month. Now that the weather is getting cooler, I will be able to walk/run outside and not die from heat exhaustion. I know that there are different classes offered at school which I will have to look into and see what interests me. Otherwise, I'm well on my way to where I want to be. I just got to stick with it!

Disappointed...

I have made a recent discovery that more or less makes me very angry and disappointed. In one of my classes the professor was randomly selecting students to read sections of material. I read and don't mind reading. She called on another person...who happened to be a student athlete. He sat there in silence. She asked him why he was reading, he said, "I don't read very well." She asked him how he could be college student and not be able to read? Well for him, he is attending college on a football scholarship. I noticed that other students were having trouble reading very easy words...at least to me, words such as: subtle, indictment, and retaliating (these are just to name a few). I'm sitting there shaking my head in complete confusion because the readings aren't that difficult and seriously by now you should be able to pronounce most words. So what gives? I don't care if you're a freaking student athlete and you are here solely on scholarship and you can't even read...there are some flaws in the system. I don't know how much this happens across the nation in all campuses, but I'd imagine it happens more than I think. It's disappointing because so many of these athletes can do so much better, but because they get a free ride, they don't. Unfortunately, I'm guessing he won't be in the NFL once he graduates from college...so then what does he plan on doing? It irritates me that colleges are so focused on making sure there football or basketball teams are top notch, they don't care about academics when they are recruiting. How about all of these other students who aren't athletes but yet still struggle to pronounce words? Is it just that they struggle when reading in front of a group of people? Or do they really not know the word and don't care, because mommy and daddy are paying for their education anyways, so as long as they show up to class it doesnt matter.

I really am disappointed in my generation. I honestly think we are going backwards and not forwards. As much as people like to think technology is growing and will be useful and benefit students, it's making people stupider. Don't get me wrong there is lots of useful information on the internet and its nice to have a cell phone, but I still take time to read a book and research in the library. What is happening with our students and the way college's recruit student athletes? What's more important: finding an athelete who will win a championship for your team and sucks in the classroom or finding a student who excels in the classroom and on the field? (apparently you can't have both qualities...if you're great at a sport it doesn't matter how you do in the classroom.)

COCKROACH!!!

I had never seen a cockroach out in the wild or in a house until I moved to S. Carolina last year. I had encountered a few of them, but always forced my roommates to chase them around and catch them. Last night, I had to take matters into my own hands. It's been nearly a month since I moved into my new place and hadn't seen any sort of bugs...minus a few fruit flies. Last week Friday my roommate had said she saw 2 cockroaches in the past week, so I knew that I was bound to find one. Well sure enough it happened. I saw it crawling up the wall towards the ceiling and I can't reach that high, even standing on a chair! I had to wait for it come closer to my level, but as it got closer it got bigger and grosser! It got closer to my level and I had a cup and piece of paper ready, however it fell off the wall and I lost it. Now I knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep unless I caught the darn thing so I looked under, behind and basically tore apart my room and didn't find it. I decided to take a break and just sit and wait for my enemy to come out on its own. I saw it start crawling towards my closet door and it went under. Then it came back out and went into the living room. That little bugger was fast! I had to basically pounce on it with the cup. I slid the piece of paper underneath and ran outside so fast and made sure it was out! I hate cockroaches probably more than I hate spiders. At least with spiders...many of them are very small and you can smack them on the wall and clean it up no problem. With cockroaches...they are never small and they are probably really gross if you smack them. I don't need cockroach inside on my wall. Cockroaches make me think of gross and dirty places and in my places that never get clean. I hate to think that there are more just hiding around but i know they are. Our place is far from dirty...it's probably the cleanest place in the whole complex. My duty for the day is to tidy up a little more and make sure there aren't as many places for the roaches to hide under just in case I encounter another one!

Hurricane Earl

I never really thought about the impact a hurricane really can make on a community or towns and places it hits. I was so pumped a few days ago about Earl and desperatly wanted it to make landfall in S. Carolina. I figured that we wouldn't be so lucky to have it hit us, and I figured right. However, being the nerdy person I am wanted to go down to the beach and check out the waves. There really wasn't any beach left by the time I got down there. The waves were already massive. There were postings all over about rip currents and signs that said 'no swimming'. I was surprised how many people were there, but after today we aren't really supposed to have much to worry about.

After standing on the pier today looking at the massive waves and the beach basically completely underwater, my hair being tossed wildly about due to the wind and the clouds overhead getting ready to dump some rain, it made me realize how big this storm is. It made me thankful that I dont have to worry about this storm hitting here. It would be quite something to see something that huge roll in. Just given the fact that a beach that normally is clearly visible was no longer visible clearly shows the force of Earl. We are just barely getting touched. I can't even imagine what it will do as it makes its way up the east coast. No one should ever want a hurricane to make landfall, duh, but I wanted to say I was part of something huge. I'd still like to say that someday, but I won't wish it to ever happen. Don't ever mess with the force of nature because it will always win.

To summarize August

I vaguely remember the month of August. It went by so fast! School started 2 weeks ago tomorrow and that freaks me out. Don't get me wrong I love the fact that school has started so I'm one step closer to graduation. However, I'm already on the senior slide thing and pretty sure I dont care anymore. I got a babysitting job, its not much but it helps out a little with my finances. I turned the big 22 last Monday and enjoyed celebrations through the week. I think perhaps I celebrated too much, since I am now sick. The doctor tells me I have an upper respiratory infection and if I waited any longer I could have gotten bronchitis or pneumonia. I am on 4 prescription drugs currently and will be for the next week. Yeah me! This present predicament has let me to catch up on some readings for school. It's amazing how much you can learn when you actually do your stuff!

September starts tomorrow and with it, brings more school and days of learning. It also brings the best time of the year fall yes, but football: college and pro. I'm very much anticipating wasting away my days watching college and pro football and not doing homework (we shall see how that turns out). It also brings the beginning to my favorite season, fall. However, down here in the south, I don't sense any sort of "cool down" in the near future, that will have to wait till November. Well, at least October there will be some less humid days. It is also the busiest hurricane month and we have a few predicted for the east coast. Although none are expected to make landfall in South Carolina, the ocean is still stirring and we are not allowed to swim at the beaches. I'd love for it to make landfall close to here...not because I love destruction and would like nothing more than the area to be destroyed, but because I have never been witness to one of nature's most powerful forces.

Anyways thats a brief summary of the near close to summer and the near opening to fall. I'm hoping to take a few days of rest to recover and hopefully by then Earl will be here and I can get some photos!

Why are men creeps?

Where do I begin? In the past few months I have encountered some random and weird strange men. They come up to me and start talking about random crap that is not of any interest to me or that ask me for my phone number or ask me if I have a boyfriend. There was this one man a couple of months ago who happened to be walking around the Walgreen's parking lot. I was waiting for the redbox machine to not be in use, seen as I wanted to rent a video. This man comes up to me and starts talking to me. He noticed that I was from Wisconsin and we started talking about that. He was a nice guy up until the point where he invited me down to the beach, even after I clearly was no interested in him and was clearly there to get a video. Not only was that weird he was probably in his 40's. Then today I was walking out of the grocery store (I was getting some cold medicine and soup since I'm not feeling very well today.) this guy comes out of nowhere and asks me for my number. I said no and kept walking he kept following. He asked me why not, I said because I'm really sick and have to get back home. He asked me if I had a boyfriend I said yes I do (even though thats a complete lie). Then he walked away. He also was quite a bit older looking. I don't want to sound rascist here and I know I will, but both of those encounters were with black men. I am rarely encountered by a white man who does that. I am a little creeped out when these things happen, but usually I just laugh and go about my day. Today however, I really want an explanation. I've lived in the south now for just barely over a year. I've learned plenty of differences between the south and the north. But there is this one thing in common black men always 'hollerin' at women. I don't think they care what race the women are but it seems to me it happens all the time. I know the simple answer is to say well thats the way they were brought up or that's just their ethnicity/background/culture whatever you want to call it. Thats probably all very well and true, but not all of them are like that. Many of them are very respectful to women and don't holler at us, so what happened to the rest of them? I don't want to just single out the black man, because I'm sure men of all races do it, I just don't get hit on by 40 something plus white, asian, hispanic, latino or any other race of men, but black men. It kind of creeps me out. I shouldn't have to be walking around pretending to have a boyfriend or wearing a fake ring on my finger just in case a creep walks up to me and asks me for my number. Someone needs to explain this to me!

The Cinnamon Challenge

So I was watching Sportsnation...I find the show rather stupid, but today I happened to stop on the channel because I was interested in what they had been talking about. Colin one of the hosts referred to the cinnamon challenge and that its impossible to do, just go watch it on youtube. I have heard of the cinnamon challenge before but never looked into it or ever thought of attempting it. So this time, seen as I had nothing to do, looked into some videos and was not finding anyone who was succeeding so I assumed Colin was right, but then I began to uncover some people who were able to do it. But that leaves me questioning the rules? I never found any real set of rules online. Some people were saying you had to take a tbsp of cinnamon and swallow it immediately and not be able to drink anything. Others said you could take as much time needed to swallow the cinnamon, as long as you could get it done. I never saw anyone who was able to swallow it immediately. So now that I'm hooked, I want to try. First I will need to get some cinnamon and then I will need some friends to videotape said activity. I don't think I'm going to fair very well. I will let the world know and see my failure or success whenever I get around to it!

It's the little things...

Today has been a rather stressful day, even though I only had one class. I was running all over the place it seemed. People around her have gone crazy. No one can seem to drive correctly. Everyone is in this slo-mo pace these days and its getting rather annoying. I had to babysit tonight and I thought it was going to be long and hard. I was already exhausted from the day, how could I possibly keep up with a 3 year old boy who is none stop all the time?

The instant I walked into his daycare to pick him up he ran up to me and gave me a huge hug! I didn't think he'd remember me, since it had been a whole week since I saw him last. That right then and there just made my day. When we got back to his house we played cars and destroyed his train set because we were supposed to be monsters according to him. Then he pulled out this mini guitar and started "playing" it and he started singing the Usher song OMG. I was laughing so hard. I wish I could have gotten it recorded. It was the most adorable thing ever. I am constantly reminded that its the little things in life that mean the most. That hug he gave me, made me so happy. Then his constant ability to imagine things is unreal. I'm so blessed to be able to spend the little time I do with him. He totally makes my day! Too bad I can't go and watch him everyday.

Another Year Older...Another Year Wiser

I'd like to believe that's true, but I don't think it is. I actually feel like I'm getting dumber as I get older. I'm still in school, so I'm still learning and reading and getting an education, but I don't feel like I'm getting wiser, at least not in the education department.

22 years young! Thats how old I am today! Another year older another year wiser. I'd like to think I've matured some in the past year, but have still kept my child-like antics. I've learned to let things from the past go and stay in the past. I've forgiven a lot of people who deserved it and probably have waited to long for it. I think in the past year of realized who my friends are and who aren't my friends. I've learned some more about myself and what I like and don't like. I've also learned that I hate hot weather and will never choose to live in a terribly hot place, not intentionally at least. I've learned that some days are bad and some days are good and many days in between, but you got to take each one as they come. I've learned that I've been blessed with great friends and a pretty decent family. I've learned that you have to tell those you love you love them everytime you see them, since it could be the last chance you get. I've learned that making tons and tons of money isn't going to give you happiness. Do what you love and do it honestly. Do what you are passionate about and don't worry about the money side of things. Don't get me wrong that helps, but it shouldn't be the central focus of why you are doing your job. I've learned that sometimes you have to break out of your shell and comfort zone to find out who you are. Learning and participating in something you aren't familiar with allows you to view the world from a new perspective. I've learned that sometimes you have to take a roadtrip even if its just an hour away...you don't know what you will find along the way or once you get there, but even if you don't find a thing, just saying you've been there is pretty cool none-the-less. I've learned that being alone for a significant amount of time can make you go crazy, but it also can give you much needed time to self-reflect. It also allows you to just be you without others influencing your decisions. It also makes a person yearn for company, whether its a close friend, a family member or just a stranger at the beach. I've learned how to cook some basic things, but thats the foundation for the more difficult delicious things. I've learned that good health is a valuable thing and a wonderful blessing and it should never be taken for granted. This includes me directly, my asthma attacks...as well as my cousin who passed from cancer. I've learned that sometimes you try to be the best person you can and the best friend you can and sometimes it doesn't measure up. You aren't meant to get along with every person in the world, its just not possible. Some people are going to love you for who you are and are going to accept you. Other people want you to change on behalf of them, but at all cost don't do it. It's not worth getting yourself hurt or feeling lost, confused, lonely or guilty afterwards. Be yourself and the rest will fall into place. I've learned to be happy with who I am, regardless of my fault and flaws. I'm not always honest or open. I'm not a very mean person openly, but can be a cold hearted bitch behind a person's back. I don't like confrontation and avoid drama at all costs. Life's to short to complain and freak out about the stupidest things. I'm sensitive to certain things and I will cry if I have to. I'm not demanding or seeking to be the center of attention. I've made mistakes and I've stumbled a few times. I'd hate to say I've had a few regrets, but I have. But those choices made me who I am right now at this moment. I've had some of the best memories through my first few years of college. I was right where I was supposed to be. Looking back now, I think the right choice would have been staying, but I can't change the past...all I can do is look into the futue and know that God is directing me down the right path and I just have to trust him. I've learned that love comes in all shapes and sizes. You have to grab it when it comes or it might be lost forever. I don't believe in soulmates. I believe you have to be really good friends with someone before true love has a chance to grow. Sometimes you think you love someone but they don't love you or perhaps you realized you didn't love them as much as you thought. Sometimes love has nothing to do with a man and a woman or marriage, but love of a brother, sister, friend, cousin, mother, father, etc. Sometimes you don't realize you are giving out your love until days, weeks, months down the road. Give your love as much as possible and you may change a few lives. Thats a truly great feeling. Trust you gut and your instincts and trust God. Be happy as much as you can be. Learn something new. Read a book or something thats really hard to read. Attend a football game. Cheer for your favorite team. Love with all of your heart. Don't be afraid to take a wrong turn and another. Take chances and risks. Go some place that terrifies you, because you are there alone or its foreign. Talk to a stranger, they may surprise you. Take some time for yourself because you didn't earn it...you deserve it. Spend a day doing absolutely nothing or spend it doing the thing you love most. Enjoy the simple pleasures in life: a good nights sleep, getting a handwritten letter in the mail, warm towels fresh from the dryer, an ice cream cone, eating a piece of chocolate or seeing a little child smile and giggle. Dance in the rain just because you can and who cares if you look like a complete idiot doing it. Have a snowball fight in south carolina, because you wouldnt expect snow there and it may not happen again anytime soon. Sing in your car and bop your head to the music. Make fun of silly canadians who can't drive very well. Find the simple joys of your life. Enjoy them as much as possible. Live each day to the fullest. Remember above all things: Keep God at the center of your life, the center of everything you do and you can't go wrong. Thank him everyday for everything. You will be blessed more than you could ever imagine.

I think that sums up my year nicely and gives you a little bit of my new found wisdom!

To School to School

So it begins this thing called school. I started my last first day of school (hopefully ever!) on Wednesday this past week. I can't believe I already have 3 days under my belt. To be honest, summer break didn't feel like summer break, it just felt like a little time off and I was back to the same thing. My classes are going to be good for the most part. I have Spanish, which I have to take and I think I might struggle the most in that class since my professor only speaks in spanish. But how else will one learn? I also have a World religions class which should be interesting. I know some things about some religions, but this should add more to my knowledge. I have a philosophy class called bio-ethics. Mainly we are going to be talking about hot button topics, such as abortion, end of life matters, cloning, etc. There will be a lot of heated debates, I can tell that already. My professor is also very nice and funny. He isn't afraid to speak how he feels. He also said that he's glad to see people in the class because it's important for people to be aware of what's going on in the world and be able to take a side and clearly debate it. Since most people decide to choose a side without researching it and he said thats about the stupidist thing a human could do. I have a communication law and ethics class...not sure how I fell about that class, but I have to take it. My final class is writing for mass media. I don't really know what we will be doing in the class. I had the professor for a previous class and loved her, so I'm guessing it will be a good class, even though it's probably not the field I will be going into.

All said and done my classes are going to be a mix of easy and hard, but for each class I will have lots of reading and I do mean lots. Now that school is back in session I may not get on the blog to post as much as I would like, but I will do my best.

My Annoyances

I have decided today that there are plenty of things that annoy me and I thought I'd share them.

1) Loud obnoxious people
2) Loud music, rap specifically, especially when I'm lying in bed and I'm trying to sleep
3) People who can't drive the speed limit and by that I mean going way under
4) I also don't like police officers. They think because they have this special car they can drive around in as fast as they want or ride up your butt and threaten you to speed up.
5) People who are disrespectful.
6) Those who judge you before they get to know you.
7) People who feel the need to swear ALL the time, its just plain rude
8) Parents who have children and then can't seem to take care of them and discipline them
9) Distractions: like facebook. Don't get me wrong I love being on facebook, but its an addiction for so many people and its a major distraction.
10) People who get jobs purely by lying. I'm 100% honest during an interview and if you can't seem to like what I'm saying that is your loss.

I'm sure I have more, actually I know I have more but I can't think of them all.

A Little Bit of Hope

"If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night I'd bet they'd live a lot differently."

Today it seems as if people never have time for anything anymore. We live in this fast paced society and are always on the run. It's rare for anyone to take a vacation and even if they do, their itineraries are filled to the gills with things to do. Why can't we all just slow down and take a step back and actually relax?

I do feel if people took the time to look at the stars, even once in awhile, would live differently. I think people would appreciate the time they have been given to live on this earth. I think it would encourage people to take more time to relax or take time for themselves. Heck, you don't have to look at stars if you don't want to, just take a nature walk or go some place majestic...like the Rockies or the Grand Canyon.

I have always had a fascination with stars. To stand there and look up and see the millions of stars in the sky (for this you have to be miles and miles away from city lights) and just imagine whats out there. It makes you feel small but at the same time a part of something much bigger. Maybe just taking a night out and looking at some stars will give someone a little bit of hope and make a difference in their life!

A new discovery

I think I learned something about myself today, when I discover something that is good news, I should be happy right? When someone asks me if I'm interested in a job I should say heck yes and take an application and be happy right? When I discover that I really will graduate in May and I more than likely won't have to take a summer class, I should be happy right? WRONG!!!!

I came back from financial aid and cried. Then I thought to myself, why? This is exactly what you want and have been waiting for. I think I have learned that when things seem good and easy in my life I tend to run away from that ease and make it more difficult for myself. It is true of anything I have ever done. When I went to my first college, MLC, it was the place I had always wanted to go and be. I have always wanted to be a teacher. I don't know if I still want to be one, however I realize I still want to work with kids and now I'm in this hard place. I settled into MLC and it was easy and fun and then I left. I went to WLC, my second college. I met a few people and that was great, besides I was home and that felt good. But yet again I chose to pack up and leave to live hundreds of miles away from home and the people I knew and loved. I left that easy life and stepped out of my comfort zone.

Yesterday I was in Bath and Body Works and was talking with one of the ladies who worked there and she asked if I was interested in a job and I just stared at her and was like um not right now. Really?! I'm so desprate for a job and then I just say no. Is it because I was thrown off guard or because I was given this opportunity and to give myself some sort of income and that would have been too easy and I need to have my life be hard. Then today I discovered that there were classes I didn't need to take and I thought I did and I was in a panic to make sure I would be able to do them. I should have been ecstatic about it. But now I have to rearrange my entire schedule and figure out what classes I should take instead and hope to God they are open. But was I just frustrated because I have to essentially make a new schedule or was I just wanting it to be more difficult? Maybe its fear for what lies ahead. Once I graduate where do I go? What do I do? Should i go back to school and pursue something else? I don't usually make plans far into the future because it always changes. I usually don't panic about these things, because I have God with me and ultimately he will lead me to where he wants me.

Why is it so hard for me to just accept it when life is easy? Why do I always have to find the difficult sides? Thats not even normal. What human being would want to live life like that? Everyone wants life to be easy and fun. What is my problem? I'm just so mixed up. I guess the next few days will be organizing a new schedule and then the next few months will be figuring out where to go and what to do. I've been blessed with some amazing gifts and I'm afraid I'm not doing what I should be and living up to my potential. "Your talent is God's gift to you, what you do with it is your gift to God."

Times

I feel recently I have been disconnected from my Lord and Savior. That has been my own doing, not going to church, not reading my daily Bible chapters. I began to sink and feel really low and sad. I went to church this morning and was listening to the Christian radio station. I felt good and very happy. How can someone who isn't Christian get through their day to day life? I have grown up with church and being a part of God and his family so maybe I wouldn't ever understand how someone could live without him. He is a part of who I am. Even when I throw him by the wayside when my life gets to busy and then decide to pick him back up when I'm sad and alone and need him. He will never leave me and thats a pretty darn amazing feeling. Here is a song by 10th Avenue North that expresses better than I ever could the amazingness of God!


Times

I know I need you
I need to love you
I love to see you, but its been so long
I long to feel you
I feel this need for you
and I need to hear you
is that so wrong?
now you pulled me near you
when we're close I fear you
still I'm afraid to tell you
all that I've done
are you done forgiving?
or can you look past my pretending?
Lord I'm so tired of defending what I've become
what have I become?

I hear you say "my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between,
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned is this for real?
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times that you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneath,
its inside, its in between
these times you're healing
and when you're heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the time you go hungry and are tempted to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
I'm there through your heartache
I'm there in the storm
my love I will keep you by my power alone
I dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
I'll never forsake you
My love never ends, it never ends."

SHARK WEEK!!!

I LOVE IT!!!!

I have never watched shark week in all of my nearly 22 years of existence. Then again, I never had the means to watch it with. I didn't think I was missing much, and to some people I'm not, however I have learned a lot in this past week. I haven't watched every show that has aired on the Discovery Channel, but I have watched enough. I'm fascinated with the great white sharks flying out of the ocean. I can't get enough of it.

Shark week has also gotten me in the mood to find a shark. I know your chances of encountering a shark are pretty slim. However, given the fact I live on the east coast...near Myrtle Beach, SC I figure I could see something. Especially with the recent shark attacks that have happened nearby. There have been 3 attacks in the past month. One at Myrtle Beach and then 2 more about 40 miles north of Myrtle Beach. I've taken the liberty of going to local fishing piers and one in Southport NC and talking to the fisherman. None of them had ever seen a shark or caught one but most of them were just here vacationing. One guy even had 2 buckets of chum in the water along with his fishing poles. I wondered if I would be able to see anything but no luck. I figured I would have to keep trying and test different times of the day. I know they typically feed at dusk or early morning. At this point though I might have to go out to see in clearer water. I know a few people in the marine biology department who might take me out on a boat (if they have one) to look for sharks.

I've decided to add finding a shark and swimming with them to my bucket list!

Memories

I was mentally filling out this thing I saw about memory. There were words such as smell, touch, sound etc and you were to connect them to a specific memory. So I decided to share.

Smell- my absolute favorite season is fall so that started a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head. I remember times when I was in grade school going to the pumpkin farm and taking hay rides and I can still smell the hay. Going to corn mazes on a cool crisp fall night with the smell of the corn stalks and the smoke from a distant fire bring me back. I think the best memory is sitting a freshly cut lawn with friends from MLC watching an MLC football game. Nothing beats college football, especially in the fall.

Taste- Just a few months ago, my friend Erin came down to visit me. We decided to go to this beach bar and she ordered crab legs and I got bacon wrapped scallops. I'm not a huge seafood fan by any means and I hadn't tried scallops before, so I thought what the heck. I love bacon, so even if I hated the scallops, I still had bacon. However, I had never eaten something so delicious in my life. The bacon was just right and the scallops were so mouthwatering...I couldn't stop eating. I have never finished a whole plate of food EVER until this time. I would go back and get it again in a heartbeat.

Sight- I've seen a lot in my short 21 years of living. I have a seen a lot of natural wonders like the Grand Canyon, and no matter how many times you go, it still leaves you awestruck. I've seen historical places and being inside them or around them makes you feel rather insignificant. But I think the thing that most stands out to be is September 11th. I still to this day remember exactly where I was, who I was with, and how old I was. I remember the panic across the faces of my classmates and my teacher. I remember seeing the planes crash and the towers falling. I remember how that morning started...not a cloud in the sky. It was so perfect, but then it wasn't. I remember how I felt as it all unfolded. That sight will forever be etched into my brain.

Touch- this was hard to pick a precise memory at first, but then I remembered my family trip to Mexico and we went swimming with dolphins. I was so terrified. We got to touch them and I tried to avoid them as much as possible. I do remember that there skin was smooth and not really slimy as I had thought they would be. I wish that I would have enjoyed the experience more.

Sound- basically any concert I have ever been to with any of my friends. If not that then fireworks. To most people its just colors exploding in the sky and they have a loud sound. This is true, but with that, for me takes me back to my childhood and they dog days of summer. Fourth of July's were tradition...going to grandma and grandpa's house with aunts, uncles and cousins. We had our special spot that we sat at every year. It seemed to me as you got older you were supposed to lose interest in that sort of thing. My parents and grandparents could care less now if they see fireworks. Maybe its just the kid in me or the fact that it reminds me of the really fun and easy days of being a kid...but I will always love fireworks and will always love the 4th of July!

Move-In Troubles

The time has come for me to move out of my current living arrangement at school into another place, but it hasn't come without its issues. I was very excited last weekend to find out where I will be living and knowing this is my last year of this. I had planned on moving my stuff over yesterday but that didn't go very well. Today I went back to the RA's and they tell me someone is living in the room I'm supposed to be in and they won't be out until the 31st. I have pretty much everything packed up and ready to go. But alas, I still have almost a week left before I'm allowed to move in. I just wanted to get moved in and settled before the next wave of people come in which will be the first week of August...this includes but is not limited to: band, football players, volleyball players, etc. So its going to get a little chaotic around here. At least I will be moved in before the big move in weekend. (not to jinx myself).

Although I'm a little peeved at the whole matter...I can't really change whats going on. I can however change my attitude about it and realize that life has its little hiccups and there isn't a reason I should be upset about it. I've got other things to worry about that are much more important than this!

Change

"Change. The desire to see change in my life and in the world around me. I think that the element of change is what inspires hope. And love might be what inspires change: Gods love for us and our love for those around us. Things have to change our world is in desperate need." -Jon Foreman, from Switchfoot


I could not have said it any better myself. What I want to see in the world is change, a change for the better. I am constantly saying to myself 'I really want to make a difference.' I want to be able to change a child's life or another adults life. This past semester at school I mentored for a 5th grade boy and also volunteered at a local children's museum. I enjoyed doing each of them, but loved mentoring. The connection I made with that child will forever be a part of me. Granted, it wasn't easy at first, but I remember the day he completely trusted in me, the look on his face, the tone of his voice. But I think the greatest thing I learned was how much he changed me and perspective on life. It is amazing how one child can do that, or one person. I hope to continue mentoring when the school year starts again.

Another thing I am interested in being a part of is the American Cancer Society. I keep saying to myself I want to find a way to find a cure for cancer, but lets me honest, I'm not planning on going into any scientific lab and figuring that out, but I will help raise money so that someone else can. I can't think of any person in this world who hasn't known someone who has cancer and I for sure wouldn't want to just stand by as my loved ones fall ill to the disease.

I also have been looking into doing some volunteering at the local hospital here in the children's section. I'm not exactly sure what I will be allowed to do and it may seem daunting at first. Why would anyone want to surround themselves with a sick person? I guess the real question is it that child's fault they are sick and in the hospital to begin with? I think at times it will be hard and I'm sure I'll come home and be sad because I know that child isn't going to get better, but I want to believe that I would have made some impact on them, better yet, that they left an impact on me!

And finally, if time and school allows for me to do this, I would love to volunteer at a nursing home. Nursing homes have always creeped me out and the smell of old people gets to me. But thinking of how my grandparents are getting older and ailing and are pretty much alone now, how sad it must be for them. I would imagine in most nursing homes the old people feel sad and down and that doesn't really make living there much fun. I have to do some research on this yet and I'd for sure love to play them some tunes on the piano and play a few games of bingo!

These are all things that I want to be able to do to change me as a person, or better me and to change the world around me. I may never be recognized for what I'm doing, but I know how I will feel when I've done it!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."

Just a Quote

So don't be afriad to make mistakes, stumble and fall, because most of the time, the greatest rewards comes from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe, you will get everything you wish for, maybe you'll get more than you could have ever imagined, who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination. -from OTH

Being completely alone for a whole summer gets a person to go crazy and do a lot of thinking. I think a lot about where I'm at in my life right now. I think about the past and the future. There are things in my past that I wish I would have or could have done differently, but do I regret that? No! All of those things have formed me into the person I am today. All the choices I have made ultimately lead me to where I am. Sometimes, I am completely confused as to what I am doing in South Carolina and why I took myself out of my comfort zone and away from my friends. I don't really know why God brought me to this place or for what purpose (He sure is giving me a lot of time to think about it). There are days I miss my friends like crazy and would in an instant leave here, the only thing holding me back is the fact I need to and want to finish school.

I remember first coming here and after my family dropped me off and left I cried. I didn't do that when they dropped me off at my first college for the first time, I was so ready to be independent, not that I wasn't this time either. I was afriad I was making a mistake. I was afraid that people in my life would just move on without me and forget me. I was afraid of not being able to make friends here. I wanted to leave just as soon as I got here. Thanks to One Tree Hill this quote made me realize how many risks you have to take in life. Sometimes you will fail and you can't just lay there in the dirt if you want to succeed. You have to get up dust yourself off and try again. I'm still afraid of life and whats in store for me. But if I go with God I will go confidently on down the road.

289!

It occured to me today that this could very well be my last year of school ever! Its so scary and exciting and very surreal! I took the liberty of counting down how many days from now until my potential graduation day and that would be 289! It is not even a full year. Then if you start taking out all of the time away from school it becomes even less! I'm really hoping this is it. I have to do some overloading and I might have to do a class next summer, but they should let me walk! After that begins my real life and I am so excited I can't wait for it.

Reunited and it Feels So Good

Yeah its something like that!

I have this problem and its me wanting to get in shape, eat healthier, etc. I have this love/hate relationship with exercise. Recently I have hated it and for no apparent reason...just because. I hate the vicious cycle of 'I've been working out almost every day for 3 weeks straight' and then 'oh I'm on vacation or I'm sick so I've stopped working out for a week' then it becomes hard to restart your workouts again! The past few days have been succesful. At least I like to think so. I have never really had a problem eating healthy...its my portion sizes and when I eat that has hurt me. It is not the diet I'm worried about its the go out and exercise thing. I started to do Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred and I can't say I'm seeing results yet...but my body feels it, trust me.

Today was a turning point...a good one.

Last night, I had every intention of getting up early this morning, 6 to be exact and go for a walk/run whatever I felt in the mood for. Well the going to bed at 11:30 and not actually falling asleep until sometime after 1:30 made getting up impossible. I wound up getting up at 10 and decided I got to push myself if I want this! There is this nice walking area outside about 20 mins from where I live so I decided to head there. I started walking...one foot in front of the other. It felt good. I walked 2 miles today in the extreme heat! :/ I could have went farther but was compeltely out of water and was soaked in sweat! But through all of that I pushed just a little further. I got back to my car and felt like I havent felt in quite some time. I think I was just so bored with what I was doing before the same old things. I know I need to mix up what I do. Walking on some days, Jillian on others, strength train on some others! I think tomorrow I will get up at the time I wanted and head back to the same place. I won't be in the heat or the sun and hopefully I can get farther than today!

But these past few days have just begun a long journey to get where I want to be, the endorphines are what makes me want to come back for more. Its that feel good feeling and I love it!

Inspiration

I have been thinking recently about people who have inspired me. But what is inspiration? How do you determine what makes a person inspirational? Is it their overall personality and character? Is it the accomplishments they have done? Is it by simply being there? Is it someone you have known your entire life or just a short time? I think inspiration can be any of these things. I feel blessed to have known people who have inspired me to be a better person and make a difference. I think these inspirations have helped mold me into the person I am right now.

I have been inspired by many friends and family, and even some famous people. My sister and her husband have been a great inspiration in the exercising department. They both are consistently training and competing in triathalons. I have always dreamed of just doing a half marathon. The fact they can accomplish races beyond that is truly inspirational!

I think the biggest inspiration in my life to this point has been my cousin Rebecca. A year ago she was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. She was just 18. She just graduated from highschool. She was looking forward to college. She should have had her whole life ahead of her and then poof it seemed as if everything was gone. However, she had this faith that could move mountains. She never questioned God and his motives. She went all in to fight this disease. There were moments it seemed she was going to make it and other times where it wasn't looking good. Then just before Easter this year she was called back to her heavenly Father. While she was in the hospital she started a fund called Cure With Hope to raise money for the children's cancer ward. The fund is still going to this day. It is amazing to see the people that she touched through her short life. She was always full of life and energy and lived each day as if it were her last. As typical for me, when stresses of every day life get me down I get sad and angry. After her death, I knew that I needed to change that attitude. It wasn't easy, but let me tell you, know more than ever I'm at peace with myself. I should be freaking out about not having a job and little money to my name. Maybe, I'm just crazy for not freaking out...but I'm very calm and know that everything is going to be ok. I have Jesus to thank for that and an inspirational girl named Rebecca.

Love you always Rebecca! You are an inspiration to more than you could ever realize and its truly amazing to see the people you have touched! There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you and the things I can do to make a difference in someone's life. You are greatly missed! Keep smiling down on all of us!

New Beginning

It's been a long time coming, but I finally have started my own blog. This is more or less for me as a day to day journal. I can never keep a written journal, so I'm hoping that I can keep a blog going. I also had inspiration from my sister and her husband, both of whom have blogs and they keep it up. Personally, if people read this blog, great, if not then thats fine too! This is for me to let my feelings out and if someone happens to stumble upon it, I hope that something I say might change their lives.

I was trying to come up with a clever name for my blog and it took me awhile to think of something that applied to me. Yes, I'm the wanderer. I am currently a college student. I should have graduated at this point, but I keep changing my major and keep switching schools, so at this point, I might be a professional student. :) Actually, I'm shooting to get out by May of 2011. After that, my life is wide open. My plans are to help out at a summer camp hopefully get a little money from that. After that I'm hoping on exploring the USA road trip style. I have my journey pretty much down and will be out and about for approximately half a year. Once that is over, I will hopefully have a little more perspective on what I want to do with my life and where I want to be. Hence, the wanderer. Now most people, like my parents for example, might think that wandering is a bad idea, no job, no money, etc. However, I don't think wandering is bad if its to help you find yourself. College was supposed to help me find me, but it isn't.

J.R.R Tolkien said, "...not all who wander are lost..."