Thanks Tuesday

Thanks Tuesday for a rather great day. Yesterday was pretty sucky. Especially after dealing with my student loan issues. Apparently student loan companies think I'm made of money or something. Ha! Although today was a long day at work it had its good moments. One little boy, Ryan, told me when I got back from my lunch break, "I'm really happy to see you Miss Laurel." Well Ryan I'm always really happy to see you too! You are too cute for your own good. I also have a little girl in my class named Evelyn who has always loved the other teacher in the classroom more. Not that I have a problem with this, she has known her longer. She just took a long time to trust me. Yesterday was the first day she said goodbye to me and said it with a smile. Today was the biggest turning point even though her act was so small. We were walking out into the hallway to put nap time stuff away and she grabbed my hand on her own. I smiled. I knew at that moment she trusted me 100%. Finally, on the way home, I got pulled over for apparently not having my lights on. I had my parking lights on not my headlights. Obviously I got no ticket, but I did have the pleasure of getting a super hot cop pull me over. Haha.


Peace&Love
~L

Be Happy

I don't have a lot to say, but I felt like I wanted to say something. This week has been a crappy week. Work has sucked and has made me question where I want to be. I want to get a different job as soon as I can. I love the people I work with and I love the kids, but the hours and the pay aren't worth the drive in my humble opinion. I also have more student loans then I thought to pay back each month and I just don't have the money for it. Basically no money to live off of. And as I sit here and think about where I want to go and the things I want to do in my life and the struggles I'm currently facing I forget to just be happy.

"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy." ~Guillaume Apollinaire


Peace&Love
~L

Bad Choices

Oh you know the choices I'm talking about. The ones you regret the next day. Example: doing a shot of cheap whiskey. Yeah bad choice all around. It was my first taste of whiskey and I'm guessing it was also my last. My body hates me for that bad choice today.

That bad choice of not working out for almost a month hoping you can still lose/maintain the weight while you continue to eat somewhat healthy food and you realize you are a lot more sluggish now than you were while you were working out. And you have not in fact lost or maintained the weight but added a few pounds.

Watching hours of pointless television such as the Jersey Shore and Teen Mom and realizing hours later how many brain cells you just killed and how much of your life you just wasted on said shows. Terrible choice.

Staying up later than you should on any night of the week, especially on a work night. Then having to be at work for nearly 10 hours with just a few hours of shut eye was not a good choice.

Bad choices people. They happen to us all and we hate ourselves for them but we always seem to laugh at them a few days later.


Peace&Love
~L

Things

"If you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

I've been struggling a lot lately with being happy at work. There are days I love it and there are days I hate it, but I'm guessing everyone feels that way. I don't want that. I want to wake up everyday and be excited to go into work. I feel that I work really hard and I am kind and I'm still waiting for something amazing to happen. I feel like I've been waiting for amazing things to happen all my life. Maybe I can't wait for them to happen to me, maybe I have to make them happen. Does that mean I find a new job? Possibly a new place to live? Travel to another country? Take a look at my bucket list and cross more stuff off the list? Kindness and working hard can only take you so far right? I mean what amazing things are going to happen when I'm kind and work hard? I'm not getting a raise any time soon. I'm not going to be promoted. I'm not going to get coworkers to like me any more than they do. Or am I looking at this all wrong?

Thoughts??

Peace&Love
~L

Come on People

Ok I'm not one to show up to anything late. I hate when I'm late to anything bet it church or a party and most definately work. Well folks today I was late for work and was not happy about it. I even left 10 minutes early since it was snowing like crazy. The roads were not as bad as people made it out to be. I was stuck at one light for 20 minutes hence the reason for being late. I get that people want to be cautious and drive better but going 20mph is not the answer. Especially when the roads weren't that bad. Irritated. Plain and simply put if you don't want to drive when it snows get off the road and let the professionals through. I've only had my liscense for 7 years and you may say thats not that much experience, but I'm not afraid to drive in it. I'm aware of how to stop and how to go around turns. Clearly everyone else can't. I hope that since we've had a few snowstorms under our belts we can all drive better the next time it snows.


Peace&Love
~L

Being Used

I never thought I'd be that girl who lets a guy use her for his benefit. Luckily, I can say that I was not used for sex, but it could have been. I should have seen it coming. Things between us seemed too good to be true. We hit it off so well and then bam! He started talking to me less and less and eventually to the point where basically all he wanted was sex. Well after only 2 dates if you can call them that this is where we ended up. I haven't heard from him since and I feel so stupid for letting him treat me this way. I felt we connected the first few weeks and had a lot in common and I truly believed he felt the same way. Clearly I was wrong. Clearly I overestimated his gentlemanliness. Clearly I was on a different page than he was. Clearly I am not ready for a relationship. Or maybe it was him who wasn't. But I want nothing to do with guys. I feel like every guy is just going to be like him and I'm never going to find the right guy. But lets be real, no one finds their forever love in their first relationship or even the second one for that matter. Heck, I wasn't even technically in a relationship with the guy, but I felt I gave a lot of myself to him and he just put on a facade that he cared and I was wrong. I hate this feeling. I hate feeling like I was just used for his own purposes. Anyone want to hook me up with a good guy?

Peace&Love
~L

First Snow

Well it's been a long time coming folks, but WI has finally seen its first snowstorm of the year/season. We've had a few flakes fall before but have been fortunate and spoiled not to have to deal with it. And after a week of 50 degree weather it was hard to accept the fact that this fluffy stuff was falling from the sky and sticking!!! So far we've gotten about 3 possibly 4 inches of snow and we still aren't done. Oh joy! It was a pain to scrape my car off for almost 15 minutes after work only to have my scraper brake in half. I couldn't help but chuckle, swear, and throw the unusable half back in the car. I was finally on the road and was wondering how long it would take me to get back. On a normal driving day it takes me about 30 minutes to get home, today it took me an hour and a half. The roads were unreal, even the highways were undriveable. To top that all off my car started to act up and the temperature gauge started inching towards overheating. Luckily, I was able to get a hold of my mom who was with friends who knew about cars and they gave me a view tips. Basically, I was not ready for this snow and really don't want it. It's been nearly 2 winters since I've had to deal with it and even though I knew by moving back here I'd have to deal with it, I'm not ready. But lets me real, I can't hate it forever. I love playing in it and hopefully I will be able to do that soon!

Pictures of said fluffy stuff to come soon!

Peace&Love
~L

Late Night Thoughts

Probably more like early morning. For some reason I could not sleep last night. I slept from about midnight until 2 and was awake until 430. I somehow managed to fall asleep and wake up at 9 in a nicely soaked t-shirt and shorts. Yeah that felt real good! Anyways, as I was lying in bed for hours I had a lot racing through my head. (This is probably the reason I couldn't sleep.) I was thinking about babies. Why? I'm not entirely sure of this. I love babies and have always wanted my own, but apparently last night I started thinking about them seriously. Do I really want them? Would I ever be able to care for them and love them unconditionally? Would I be a fit parent? I believe the answer is yes to all of them. I do want them and I do believe when the time is right I'd have them and be able to love and care for them. But it terrifies me to see a child being born into this world. This place can be a dark and scary place and it seems like its only getting worse, but I suppose its what you make of it. I want my children to grow up in a safe place and this world is becoming less of that.

Other thoughts came in and out of my head so fast I didn't have enough time to think about them, or they weren't important and I clearly can't remember them. I guess I should have come on here earlier and typed them all up. I would have really loved to see how crazy this could have been!

Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday!

Peace&Love
~L

Fear of...

So I'm pretty sure that I have posted something like this before. I'm just coming to the conclusion today that this fear that I have is real and I'm not sure when it started or how I conquer it (well actually I think I have the answer). I realized yesterday that I have a fear of commitment. I've realized this before, but never actually sat and thought about it. I just say things, never thinking about whether its true or not. So I sat and thought about when this all began. It started in college when I couldn't commit to a school or to a degree or to living in the same state. I know I just posted about being happy with where I am and I am, seriously I am, but I can feel a change in the winds. It must be the fear of commitment thing going on. I guess I want so much more out of life and I'm afraid to just settle down and be accepting of any type of lifestyle. I guess you could call me a free spirit or a gypsy soul. I think I have to find something or someone to love completely before I completely settle and still even then I don't think I will commit. Sad fact of my life, but is it so wrong?


Peace&Love
~L

Hello 2012

This year is already shaping up to be a great year! I woke up at 6am to take my brother to the airport and had the privilege of driving in rain on the way there and snow on the way back. It was the big, heavy flakes that stick to the ground, but unfortunately it's already melted. Sad. I look at it this way, we've been spoiled with pretty decent winter weather and that makes me believe the winter season is shortened already. Instead of 6 months of winter we might only get 3. Although it has snowed in May before so anything can happen.

Typically, I'd make a new year's resolution at this point, but I've decided to just experience more and live life as best as I can. I think that's doable. I also wouldn't mind crossing some more stuff off my bucket list. One other thing that I am doing is something I found on Pinterest. What you do is get 365, or in this case 366 notecards and everyday you write down something that happened each day. You write down something fun you did, a quote, something you bought, a first, anything. Then at the end of the year you look back on all that has happened, and hopefully you can see that the good most certainly outweighs the bad.

I also told you I would recap last night. My friend, Erin and I, got all dressed up and maybe it wasn't worth going through all that trouble especially when we didn't even go out to a bar. We did go over to our friend Bethany's, who we haven't seen in nearly 2 years. It was really special to bring in the new year with her and another friend. We drank a little, but not as much as we thought, but I guess we are getting too old for this stuff. Partying is getting old. Haha.

I hope everyone had a safe and fun new year's eve celebration.

Peace&Love

~L