The Holidays

As I sit here and reflect on the past few days Ive realized some things:

Im getting older. No way around that one. This time of year has and always will hold that special feeling, almost like magic. I hope all adults feel this way. That magic wasnt lost on me this year, but I felt some of it was missing. I felt the mood I was in to be lackluster. The realities of finances rear its ugly head, as you try to find the right gift at the right price while not taking away from the love you have for the person you are buying said gift for. I can say that I proudly bought what I bought and thought about each gift and spread out my shopping, as to not drop a couple hundred in one paycheck. Im getting older in looking at my grandparents who are 90 and the drastic change one year can make. Both have been blessed with great health, but their age is playing more into their overall fraility. The fear they wont be around forever reminds me that I wont either and I better start making this life worth it.

I also realized that I love my family dearly, but consistent days in a row with them, make me appreciate that we dont live so close.

Even though I was with friends and family I love, I still felt lonely. A part of my heart was missing. For the past couple of years, Ive had someone to share the holidays with or at least be in my life and it makes the time all that more enjoyable. I miss making memories with a significant other. I also think to the future, and how one day I want to share these memories with them, plus future children. I want to be able to create traditions with them, like my parents did with me.

Peace&Love
-l

Words

Words. We use them and see them in everyday life. Something so simple can mean so much. Do we realize how much weight they carry? How these little things can be so beautiful but yet painful and full of deceit. Words can be so easily twisted. Things you say may not come out the way you meant them too. Im trying to be better at what i say and how I say it. Ive been hurt by people in my life and the last thing I want to do is hurt someone else. I know Im not perfect and I still say things I regret. But no matter words are so profound and something as simple as I love you means so incredibly much. I stumbled upon this quote and felt it fitting for all of this

"Four things you cant recover
The stone after the throw, the word after its said, the occasion after its missed and the time after its gone."

How true for all of these but especially the word after its said. You cant get it back, no matter how much you wish to. Whats said is said and you cant go back and take it back. We are harsh people and we say cruel things all the time, but maybe we should start saying kinder words to each other.

Ive said things to some people who mean the world to me that i wish I could eat back up and never have said it, but time wont take me back and the words will still fall out of my mouth. For anyone I have hurt with my words Im sorry.

Peace&Love
-l

Taking Stock December Edition

I cannot believe that it is December already. As I write this, there are big white snowflakes falling down and although it is not the first time this season, it is still magical. I also write this with lots on my mind that Im trying to sort all out. So here it goes...

Making: Christmas lists for friends and family

Cooking: does salad count?

Drinking: anything warm

Reading: Commencement

Wanting: answers to everything in life

Looking: for the perfect gifts

Playing: Christmas music

Remembering: where I was at this point last year

Watching: Arrow and The Flash

Deciding: on what to do with the thoughts swirling in my head

Hoping: for peace and joy and happiness in the coming weeks

Planning: activities for my sister and I during Christmas week

Enjoying: the quite and sudden snow

Waiting: for the new year to make new resolutions

Liking: hot showers

Needing: someone to help me figure out things

Wearing: gym clothes

Noticing: how many days are left in 2015

Smelling: I wish I could

Buying: Christmas gifts

Craving: salty foods

Peace&Love
-l