Thanksgiving

Things to be thankful for:

-A job: as much as I hate it on nearly a daily basis, I have a place to work and earn money to support myself

-A house: it is not mine, and I lack some independence here, but I have shelter, warmth, belongings that are protected

-Money: it's not a lot, and I'm concerned at times I won't have enough to make ends meet, but it's more than I could ask for and more than most people have

-Friends: I can honestly count on one hand those that are closest to me, and who I have the deepest connections with and that I trust with anything

-Food: I may be picky, pickier than most, but I know that I will always come home to a fridge and pantry full of food, or at least enough to keep my belly full

-Opportunities: I've been given the chance to be able to do so many things, go back to school, find a new job, travel, etc.

-Family: There is impeccable distance between me and most of my family and I don't get to see many of them that often. It's also hard to get together under the same roof for holidays without getting a little dysfunctional, but I don't think I would pick a crazier bunch to be dysfunctional with. Although at times I feel the support is lacking and the communication as well, I know that love abounds.

I know there are times where I don't appreciate everything that I have, actually most times. I get jealous of people who seem to have more, or easier lives, or normal families. But looking back on life, I appreciate what I have more because I didn't have everything I wanted. My life isn't easy, but the struggle has made me stronger and better. The time spent with those I haven't seen in months or years yesterday was short and a little stressful, but worth it. I'm thankful for it all and for where God has put me at this moment in life.


Peace&Love
~l

Personal Pity Party

I dont like to talk about myself in a pitying manner. You know how you have those days where you hate the world and the world seems to hate you right back? Im having one of those days or mini phases of life. I cant complain because most everything in my life is good. Days are going to suck and that I know. But recently I feel that Im being attacked by those I call my friends and those that I thought were there for me. I feel overly cautious these days about who I can trust. Its very hard for me as it is to trust anyone and I dont just divulge all this information about myself to anyone. Im having issues with people at work and the attitudes they are showing me and at times being their boss I have to choose my words wisely and try to make sure Im doing the right thing. I also am having trouble with my living situation. Both of the girls are nice people, but I feel my friend is slowly pushing me away and she has this attitude where she can do no wrong and that is starting to wear on me. I dont like people who behave that way. Then she is very good at personally attacking me in front of others or completely ignoring me. She has never acted this way prior to the other girl moving in and Im not entirely sure where it is coming from. Her and the new girl are constantly doing stuff together and forgetting about me. Either that or I feel obligated to always do stuff with them. I need that alone time and down time without being questioned. I also dont want to bring something up because I dont want to start drama or confrontation. I know things wont get better if I dont say something. Its just a rough patch that hopefully will sort itself out soon.

Peace&Love
-l

Realities of Being Sick and Other Things

I feel like I have been terminally sick for the past nearly 2 months, with something. As soon as I get rid of one illness, I'm carrying another. Sad face. #itsthetimeoftheyear. On top of just general colds and asthma attacks, I've also been dealing with serious pain in/around my uterus. Which could be a variety of things and of course I've jumped to a lot of conclusions on what they all could be. Luckily, I have a doctor's appointment coming up next week, that hopefully will start to give me some answers. But in the mean time, when I'm not working crazy hours, I'm trying to make sure I'm resting. On top of all of that, I live in a house, where the girl who owns it, is doing some remodeling, taking down walls and putting in hardwood floors, you know typical stuff. However, with my current health situation, it is probably not the most ideal. Besides that, I feel that my life is kind of turned upside down and will be for the next month or two. Obviously something I can clearly handle, but something I really just don't want too, with the weather being colder and having nothing to do to get out of the house. I also just don't like having my established routine upset because it takes me awhile to adjust accordingly. With that being said, and not the only reason either, I have begun looking for another place to live. Not that I don't like Kelly or Caitlin, but there comes a point where it is too much and I do need that independence back. I like being able to come and go as I please, to where I please without having to tell anyone. I'm glad people care enough to know, but sometimes I just want to go, or I just want to be alone. I just need to make sure my financial affairs are in order. The old job hunt hasn't stopped either and because I'm currently not finding anything, I'm thinking of just doing a part time job for now and hopefully that will open new doors for me. If not going back to school to get my Master's has been in serious thought. 

Peace&Love

~L

Taking Stock November Edition

Making: calendar plans
Cooking: nothing
Drinking: water and lots of it
Reading: Womens Health
Wanting: answers to life
Looking: for winter sweaters
Playing: Hello by Adele
Remembering: my trip to the west coast
Trying: to keep smiling
Watching: Arrow and Flash
Deciding: on my outfit for work
Wishing: the weather we had today would last all winter
Planning: my next vacation
Enjoying: my cozy bed
Waiting: for a new job
Liking: being content
Needing: to stop spending so much money
Wearing: pjs
Noticing: how we have already made it to November
Smelling: air
Buying: nothing, keeping that in check
Craving: water

Peace &love
-l