What am I?

Today in my class my professor brought up a point about finding out who you are. We are discussing huge issues like should smoking be allowed, etc. As we sit and discuss both sides of the issue, it got me thinking about my own values and beliefs. This stretches beyond just whether I believe smoking is bad for you or not, its about abortion, alcohol, etc. I begin to question where I stand on all these issues. I begin to question who I am. I know that many people continuously change their beliefs after researching a topic and as they being to understand more about the issue. People learn as much as they can about their opposition to help them further their arguments. I know how I feel about certain issues, but if I were to go around telling people they shouldn't smoke because I'm an asthmatic that's not going to do much. They will tell me they have a right to smoke, well guess what I have a right to breath clean air. However, I'm always the person who thinks people should have the right to do whatever they want within the context of the law. Who am I to say they should or shouldn't do something? Just like I wouldn't want anyone telling me what to do. Like I said this has been more of a focus on smoking since that's what we've been discussing. I know what side I sit on as far as that issue is concerned. But the deeper the topic the harder for me to figure out who I am. Take abortion for example, I could say the same concept about a person having the right to do whatever within the context of the law, then I'm saying women should be allowed to have an abortion of they want, but I don't think in any situation, unless the mother's life is at risk do I believe a baby should be killed. More than likely it was their fault for getting into that situation. I'm not saying they have to keep the baby and suffer the consequences, but giving it up for adoption is a wonderful alternative. But I feel as I learn more about my opposition I start questioning where I stand. I think thats a good thing.

Memorial Day Weekend

What is possessing me to stay up and write this is beyond me. I'm so tired from a fun filled weekend and lots of driving I should be sleeping. But alas, I write to whoever reads this. Thursday after class I drove down to Florida to some unsuspecting parents. I guess it was a surprise to them I was coming. I got down there around 9:30 and pretty much unpacked and hit the sheets. On Friday it was my brother and I for most of the day seen as both of my parents were at work. We hung out in the pool most of the day getting our fill of chlorine and sunshine. We had pizza that night and watched some TV mainly Boston beating Tampa Bay in hockey. Saturday was our more productive day. We washed all five of the families cars in the 90 degree heat and humidity. My dad also taught me how to change the oil in 3 of the 5 cars. Of course the first one I just watched and the next 2 he made me do them. I'm not one for getting down and dirty like that, but it was cool to have some bonding time with my dad over oil and dirt. Plus, somewhere down the road I might need to change my oil so its a good lesson. After all the hard work we all got in the pool and played monkey in the middle, or more like Laurel in the middle. After swimming we all bathed and helped make dinner and dessert. Mom took care of cutting watermelon, making corn bread and coleslaw. Dad made some bbq ribs. I made Flourless chocolate cake which was divine. Somwhere over the past few years I have lost my sweet tooth. So once every so often I have a dessert such as this where it's so delicious and so sweet I won't have to have something like it for awhile. Mom was out some place that night. The kids and dad watched Apocalypse Now for a little while but then it got boring so I went to sleep. I woke up early today to work on some homework. My brother and I went to see Hangover 2, which was alright but pretty much the same as the first, just less funny. Then I packed up and hung out a little with the fam before it was time to head back. :( I got safely back just in time to work on my unfinished homework. Which is now finished, just needs to get printed. All in all a relaxing weekend.

Peace and Love

Bucket Listing

I've been creating a bucket list for awhile and thought I'd share with you all what I have so far. I've done a few things so far those are highlighted in black. Some things are realistic and some I think I will have to work hard to accomplish. But one thing is...I want to finish everything on my bucket list.


1. Graduate college (for those of you that don't know, it will be a long time coming.)
2. Go to a big college football game
3. Go to a Green Bay Packer game
4. Go to a Stanley Cup Final
5. Shake the hand of a president
6. Meet tons of famous people (I dont care who they are)
7. Travel around the USA (I already have a plan in place)
8. Walk the Appalachian Trail
9. Start at one side of Canada and make it to the other side
10. Complete a 5K
11. Complete a marathon
12. Complete a triathalon
13. Get married
14. Have children
15. Follow my favorite band on tour
16. Swim w/sharks
17. Hike the Grand Canyon
18. Learn to surf
19. Be fluent in another language
20. Volunteer a lot
21. Touch all 50 states
22. Compete in some sport again
23. Be part of a Guiness world record
24. Witness firsthand a tornado and/or hurricane
25. Be able to play another instrument
26. Be in Times Square for New Years
27. Be on TV
28. Learn to snowboard and/or ski
29. Make peace w/my mother
30. Read the entire Bible
31. Have my own travel show
32. See the Northern Lights
33. Lay on the 4 corners
34. Figure out my ancestry/geneaology
35. Go to a big concert like the Grammy's or CMA's
36. Go to summer and/or winter olympics
37. Stand in front of the church where Luther nailed the 95 theses
38. Go skydiving
39. Go ghost hunting or on a ghost tour
40. Learn to fish (I know pathetic that I don't know how.)
41. Learn to change a flat tire w/o the assistance of a man
42. Cook through Rachael Ray's 365 day cookbook
43. Read all the books on BBC's 100 must read book list (I have like 10 read)
44. Find a cure for cancer
45. Start my own fund/non-profit
46. Learn to knit/crochet...must have patience first
47. Go to grad school...have to wait until I find something I'm absolutely passionate about
48. Raft down the Colorado River
49. Stand on a glacier in Alaska
50. Mardi Gras in New Orleans
51. Stand on an active volcano...but not too close
52. Canoe the Boundary Waters
53. Create my own piano masterpiece
54. Vacation on Isle Royale
55. View wildlife in Costa Rica
56. Walk England coast to coast
57. Walk Hadrian's Wall
58. Go on safari
59. Scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef
60. Write my own song...different from 53, this is lyrics w/any music
61. Create my own receipe
62. Ride in a helicopter
63. Make a really cool cake w/fondant and everything like on Ace of Cakes or Cake Boss
64. Get my Kicks on Route 66
65. Cliff dive somewhere tropical


So as you can see this is a lot but I know my list is far from complete. I always come up with new stuff everyday. I also have seen and been a lot of places in my life, but I didn't want to add that to my list since I've technically already done it, before I ever started writing a list. Like horseback riding and see an eclipse or shooting star.

Why I Love the Beach

This post is inspired by my recent trip to the beach. Yesterday it was really hot at least compared to the 70 degrees we've been having. It is safe to say that now is officially summer here in S. Carolina. Anyways back on to the point of this post. I love the beach. I've been to a beach somewhere at least a hundred times if not more, but the feeling never changes for me. Sure there are days I go that I take the feeling for granted, but I was reminded again of that feeling. It's a feeling that is undescribable to me. It's the feeling of awe and amazingness and being so small, but in a good way. But what I love is no matter how many times you can go to the beach it is never the same. One day the sand is clear of debris and the next its covered in seaweed, shells, or jellyfish. The tides are always changing. The strength of the ocean is always different. Some days it is as calm as can be and other days the waves are so strong they can push you down and before you have enough time to recover the next one has already hit you! The color of the water can be brownish/blue looking other days it look turquoise. But I have to say the best thing about the beach is people watching. I love thinking of people's back stories. Yesterday I was watching these two little girls who were maybe 3 or 4. They were the cutest girls, blonde hair, sun-kissed skin and not a care in the world. It reminded me of my sister and I when we were little. I felt a little nostalgic. It made me want to go back to a time when things were easier and simpler, when I didn't have to worry about anything! A smile crept over my face as I watched them build sand castles and run in and out of the water, giggling and screaming. Only if we could always stay that way, never having to grow up. I wanted to stay in that moment and watch them all day and remember my childhood, but I had to come back to reality. If there is one place you can act like a little child and never lose your sense of wonder, it has to be at the beach!

Backstabbing Biotches

I know I've already posted today, but I have anger brewing inside me and it needs to flow out somewhere. This is where it is spilling out! I'm not going to use names except for mine to keep their privacy at bay. For starters my friend, Jill, was having issues with her boyfriend but wasn't really telling me what was going on. A long time ago she gave me her facebook password and I have never needed it for anything. Since I felt a little left out as to what was going on I decided to see if her password would still work and sure enough it did. I looked around but didn't find much about her boy situation. But something caught my attention, my name was mentioned in a message. I saw it briefly clicked away and my interest was caught so I decided to click back. This message was from 3 years ago so really it shouldn't effect me as much as I'm letting it effect me now. But it's because Jill was basically my best friend and was until about 1 hr ago. Three years ago I was attending my second college and I knew a few people who went there. I didn't know that many though. Jill introduced me to one of her close friends Tasha. I had met Tasha before and felt that she didn't really like me. Anyways she was being really nice to be the first few days and she added me on facebook. Then all of a sudden out of the blue she deleted me and blocked me. I wasn't going to let it bother me but I was curious what I ever did to her, becuase I knew she was still on facebook. So asking Jill about it she said that she didn't know that maybe I should talk to Tasha about it. I never did and perhaps I should have. This brings me to this moment now. Tasha sent Jill a message and said "your friend Laurel is such a creeper. She is so mean. I don't get how people can be that mean to someone they don't even know. you should block her like I did." Then Jill replied, "Yeah I know she is such a creeper she added my friends Tim and Melissa. She must have been looking through my pages again. I don't even think she knows Tim. I swear she wants to be just like me or something. Yeah I totally should block her. lol." Tasha replied with, "OMG I told my mom about your creeper friend Laurel and she said lots of people are like that and want to be like someone else." Jill replied with, "Oooo I want to be just like Jill...thats what Laurel's thinking." I continued to scroll down out of curiousity to see if I would be mentioned again. I was in a post about a year later. Jill told Tasha about a concert and said that I was also going. Tasha said "ooo geez I guess I will have to act on my best behavior otherwise Laurel will get angry at me." Jill said, "She's really not that bad and lots of fun when Melissa's not around."

Melissa happens to be a good friend of mine also and so I didn't like the fact that this was said. I was irritated that a year ago she's calling me a creeper and now I'm fun?!?! WTF!?!?! I've done a lot with Jill in the past 3 years- I've gone on vacation with her to Florida and N.Carolina, stayed at her place over Christmas break and she treats me so nice to my face. The funniest thing is that she was getting so annoyed with Tasha and was talking crap about Tasha behind her back. I just went along for the ride. I was played like a fool. I was used. I want to believe that Jill was just saying those things because she felt pressured by Tasha. But I just don't think its true. The Jill I knew would have stood up for me and wouldn't have talked about anyone behind their backs. Yes I guess now you could say I was creeping. But honestly, if I was creeping then and saw that I would have said something then. I think thats proof enough that I wasn't creeping just because I had her facebook password. And I'm justifying it but I know Tasha has the password too. I thought we were passed the age of this stupid stuff. I feel that Tasha was afraid I was going to take her place in her friendship with Jill. I feel she just had to start something. I was never mean to her. I wanted to get to know her. She chose not to get to know me or be nice to me. I just don't even know what to do. I want to send Tasha a fb message and be like you are pathetic and need to grow up. I also want to send Jill a message and be like ok yes I happened to be creeping and stumbled upon this message. I know it was 3 years ago, but do you still feel that way? Did you really feel that way? Was I just something easy for you to screw over and use in any capacity you could? What did I ever do to you? Then I want to delete her as a friend, but I realize I'd just be stooping to their level. I need to be the bigger person!

Am I really a mean person? I like to think that I'm generally nice. I'm actually really shy around people I first meet. Or was this just a case of someone else becoming jealous and finding a way to tear me down? Whatever the case I'm annoyed and pissed. I feel used. I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore. PERIOD! It makes me wonder what everyone else thinks of me and says about me behind my back! You know if you have an issue with me say it to my face and we can avoid this whole problem!

Congrats Graduates

It's hard to believe that another school year has come and gone. This weekend seems to the popular weekend to graduate! A lot of my friends from MLC were finishing up their last year and graduated today. I was able to view the event online which was awesome. I was excited to see where everyone was going to be teaching. The calls were for all over the country from Washington to Virgina from Florida to Michigan and everywhere in between. For the first time as I watched this ceremony I realized thats going to be me really soon. Its so hard to imagine that the day is finally here. It's exactly what every person works so hard at for so long and in a blink school is done. Graduation day is done. Life as you know it is over and a new chapter begins. So to all the graduates across the USA and the world I congratulate you on a job well done! Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!

YEAH!!

Car Accident

So yesterday I was on my way to school and got into a very minor car accident. The old lady was doing a u-turn in front of a big neighborhood sign. Although she should not have been doing a u-turn there anyways. She was driving a tiny beetle bug and by the time I saw her it was too late. I slammed on my breaks as hard as I could but wasn't very successful! The lady was really nice about it and we exchanged information and didn't have to get the police involved. Other than the fact that I was a little shaken up, I was not hurt. Basically this confirms my idea that everyone should take a drivers ed class every 10 years, along with renewing their liscense. People need to learn the rules of the road!

The Ding/dent

I'm Awesome

Yeah thats right I'm awesome! Another week of Insanity nearly complete. This week was a recovery week so there was less intense workouts. A lot more focus was aimed at core balance. So I'm happy to say that my core was burning by the end of every workout. I also realized how strong I am compared to a few months ago. Long story short I was essentially kicked out of my current housing so they could remodel or whatever. I'm not exactly sure. With no other place to live on campus I decided to ask a friend who lives off campus what she thought of me moving into her place. She was fine with it and so I've been moving a lot of my stuff over there. I didn't realize how much crap I actually have. I donated a lot to Goodwill and threw a lot of junk out. However, I still have a load of stuff that I seriously don't know how I managed to get it all and need it all. Anyways back to the point of this, a lot of my bins weighed an excessive amount, where before I might have just asked a man for help. Now those bins aren't so heavy anymore and thats an awesome feeling. I can see the muscles in my arms where flabbiness used to be. Unfortunately from a lot of heavy lifting and banging into things I have bruises all over the place. But the majority of it has been moved. Its the light and random crap I have left. Now I'm just relaxing until I officially get signed out and kicked out.

Halfway Point

I failed to keep you aware of my Insanity workouts. I'm at the halfway point and I can't say I see much change in my physical appearance. I do feel like I have more energy and overall I've lost about 5 pounds since I started 4 weeks ago. But I guess most people aim to lose about 1-2 pounds a week and if thats the case I guess I've done good. I'm still not anywhere close to where I want to be on the scale yet, but I'm more happy with the spike in energy and boost of self-confidence.

Other news and notes:
The past few days alone have been a crazy rollercoaster. One day they are telling me I can't graduate until December and that I have to take an extra summer class because I screwed up. However, it was my advisor who told me wrong. I had a flat tire that same day and I was like screw everyone! I don't remember the last time I cried that hard and for so long. I guess you could say I was ready to burst! But then things were back on the rebound and looking ok. I'm still freaked about paying for my final 3 classes. I tried to relax over the weekend. Do a little studying for finals. Then I find out a few hours ago that I may need to take another class during summer, because the class they were going to substitute in for me apparently I had a D in. I told them they could use one of my hundreds of other courses instead that I passed. So I'm back on my heels again. There is no way I'm taking 5 courses this summer. I might as well then wait and take them in fall if they are going to be stupid about it! I really shouldn't be worried about them being able to substitute something else in for the course, because I have so many. It's a matter of getting it signed off on. So now I have an exam that I have to take in 20 minutes and all I can think about is this other stuff! Why does it feel like I'm running in endless circles? I feel like I'm caught in this trap that I'm never going to get out of. When is it going to be my turn to have something really truly great happen?