Keeping Up With Everyone Else

I guess Happy New Year's Eve is in order. I'm just laying my thoughts out there just like everyone else on the year 2013.

First off, in a few weeks I hope to have my own personal blog up and running. With none of this stuff belonging to a BlogSpot.com. But who knows if that will happen at the rate I'm moving these days.

2013 has been a long and hard year for me. Not much of it was easy. Not much of it was fun. I suppose it all depends on how you look at it. I'd like to think the past couple of years for me have been great, this year I fell a little and had to learn some difficult life lessons. I also failed to complete anything on my bucket list and failed to experience a whole lot of new things. For that I'm disappointed in myself.

The first few months of this year boy and I took some time apart from each other. I will not go into depth here as to why. I can tell you it was the hardest time I have had to go through possibly ever. The questions and doubts lingered if I'd ever see him or talk to him again. He was such a big part of my life and just like that he wasn't. Then sometime in March out of the blue he sent me a text asking how I was, and all the emotions of the past couple of months poured out. Excitement started to seep into every vein and bone in my body. I was elated. But I didn't want to jump to anything too soon. We met up and talked, but not about what had happened. Eventually we did. We cleared the air. We decided to remain friends. That was it. Just friends. We talked as friends over the next couple of months and any time we got together I just wanted to hold his hand or kiss him. I knew I couldn't simply just be his friend. I had went to Myrtle Beach back in May, which was a great trip, and came back and spent an afternoon at the beach with boy. Basically, after a lot of awkwardness, he grabbed me and kissed me. He asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend again. Of course the answer was yes. We should have established rules straight away but didn't.

About this time I was also told that I needed to be out of my current living situation by July 1st. My ex-roommate and I had planned on moving out together, but after a period of us not talking to each other and her dropping the bomb on me that she found another place to live, I needed to find my own place and soon. I was lucky to have a friend at work who took me in and I moved in with her and her fiancé. I've been living here since July and its been great.

Boy and I were going through quite a bit of relationship stuff and things weren't looking so hot. We seemed to argue about the stupidest stuff, but neither of us really addressed the bigger issue. In August I turned 25 and was expecting a pretty big birthday and never got one. Boy was working more and more and was seeing me less and less. Boy and I went to Illinois for his birthday in September and went to a bed and breakfast and Chicago. After our return all hell broke loose. He had made a comment about a women on tv whose hairstyle looked sexy. I took offense to it. I usually don't care. I'm generally confident in myself. If you don't like who I am, then you don't need to associate yourself with me. Anyways I got mad about it. He asked if I was mad and I was like yeah. He basically rolled his eyes and told me I was being ridiculous. I was like fine then. I walked out and he didn't follow after. I waited for a few minutes and he didn't talk he just yelled at me. My defense was how do you think it makes me feel when you call another women sexy? One thing led to another. I stormed out of the house and sat in my car crying hysterically. Giving him time to come out and get me. If he wants me so bad, he will fight to have me. He came out for a split second then walked back in. We talked about the current situation and how we haven't been getting along since we got back together. I blamed a lot of it on his constantly working. We can't build a relationship if I see you once a week for 2 hours. At that point we are friends. I let him know how much I wanted him to be in my life and I needed to know that he was all in. If he had the slightest of doubts or wasn't going to make a change then we needed to be done. Luckily, he wanted to give it another try. Since then we've been really good. I still don't see him as much as I'd like, but its more often than before. Our times together haven't involved much fighting if any. We've been more open and honest with each other and that has helped us significantly. In recent weeks, he has been so loving, and kind and caring. Telling me how much he loves me, and wants to move in together and how we are meant for each other. Everything a girl wants to hear.

Our relationship this year has focused more on working the kinks out and making it past the one year itch. And although this year hasn't been easy for us, it has taught us a lot. It also made us a lot stronger. There is no one I'd rather be with than him bringing in the new year.

So here's to the New Year!

Peace&Love
~L

Christmas is Here

I find it strange that Christmas is upon us again...already. I understand now more than ever the stress associated with this holiday. As a child, I distinctly remember getting ready and excited to wake up Christmas morning to a living room full of presents. The anticipation as a youngster was there more than it is as an adult. Over the past few years I've just given Christmas a passing glance. It's not one of my favorite holidays, but I remember enjoying it once. As I reflect on Christmases past, I realize what is not there, is the traditions that I did. My siblings and I would always take turns picking out of our advent calendars and reading a Christmas story every night leading up til the Day. I remember being a piano student and having to perform in front of everyone on Christmas Eve and the practice that went into it. I'd have to be in the Christmas Eve program at school/church. After the program we'd have my family come over to eat and open gifts. This happened this way for years and years. Then something changed. The children grew up. The children began to move away for college. Getting together as a big family was virtually impossible. Then my parents split and that changed it all for good. Maybe the anticipation of Christmas went out the window when things began to change. When things weren't the same as before and never will be again.

I feel right now being the age I am, not having children, or my own family, that I'm ok with not fully enjoying this holiday. I like giving gifts to those I love to see the reactions on their faces. I'm not the greatest fan of spending the money. I also don't feel worthy enough to receive all the gifts I get. I also don't feel the preparations for the holiday. I haven't done a whole lot to get me into the mood of the season. And in two days this will be all done and gone. In a blink of an eye. I feel like its the same monotonous thing over and over, every year. Maybe, one day, when I'm married and have a family I will feel differently about this time of year.

In a week people I will be looking forward to 2014!

Peace&Love
~L

Tidbits on Life Currently

First off, I would like to say I hate snow! Then why do you ask I live in a place where snow is inevitable? Because its my home. I grew up in this area. Have friends and family around here. I also love the change of seasons, just not winter. Unfortunately, this year I think we are in for a long, miserable, cold, snowy winter. Needless to say this entire year has been a strange one of sorts weather wise.

I would like to take this blog in the direction I've been wanting to take it for some time. I know a small number of people read this blog, but I don't feel like it gets the attention I wanted from it. Sometimes I think I don't want to get rid of the BlogSpot behind the name, for the sake of anonymity. But the point of a blog is not to hide but to show yourself. I can still be anonymous in many ways on here and not pouring my entire personal life onto here. The original point of me doing a blog was to learn more about myself and discover things I'm passionate about and cross things off my list. It was a way for me to talk about my feelings and just let them out. But recently 'The Wanderer' has remained idle. I'm not at all looking to change my name or the reason behind it, I just want to capitalize on the things I want to do. Then share those things with you on here. Basically, my point is, I feel that when I come on here to share things with you, its not ever being shared. It becomes a waste of my time. I obviously need to this for myself first off, but I want to impact others in the process too. Over the next few weeks, I will be working on getting a .com without the BlogSpot. I hope to launch the new site on New Year's Day to start the year off right. I know my posting as of late has been few and far between, but I aim to be better for the new year.

That's my ramblings on life thus far.

Peace&Love
~L

The Day I Lost My Faith In Humanity

Generally I give people more than I should. I trust people too easily. I believe that people most of the time are good and upstanding citizens. I believe there are amazing people in the world who choose only to do good and pay it forward.

Today all of my views on society as a whole have changed. I have lost my faith in humanity.

I never thought it would happen to me. I thought I could trust everyone. If I respect you and your property I expect the same in return. I feel violated and paranoid. I no longer trust. My faith in humanity...no longer exists. What am I speaking of? Stealing. Or rather someone's attempt at stealing.

The story begins like this: I was doing a lot of random things at work today and was in and out of my classroom. I happened to get cold and needed my fleece from my room. It was naptime so there was one teacher in the room. She was from another center. I walked in like I normally would...she didn't even flinch. But what I saw when I turned the corner was her hand/arm deep in my purse. As soon as she realized another person standing there she got flustered and quickly occupied herself by picking things up off the floor. I was in complete shock. Now normally I would have been witty and said something like, 'is there something I can help you find in there?' or 'excuse me, but did your hand happen to slip into my purse?' But I was speechless. I keep kicking myself for not saying a thing, because eventually that shock turned to pure anger. I had initially kept walking into another room and talked to my roommate and said, 'pretty sure that girl was trying to steal from me' she was like you need to talk to our director. I walked out to talk to her and our assistant director and told them what I had just witnessed. Apparently, there was a case at her center of someone stealing but they couldn't figure out who it was. I think I found her. Stupidly, I had left my purse in the room, but quickly went back to retrieve it, only to see that she had placed something on top of my purse, for no reason. She also started asking strange questions. Perhaps, hoping that I would pretend this never happened. Shit got real, real fast. My director called her director and we informed the district manager. They had a meeting with this girl who basically said she accidentally bumped it while she was wiping the floor. I also had to talk with them and tell them what I saw. I had to show them and they tried to see if they could accidentally knock it without disturbing anything and it wasn't possible. The other strange thing was my wallet was wide open and I know for a fact that I never leave mine open. Luckily, I happened to walk in at the right time to ensure none of my money got stolen. I would have been even more pissed if I came home and realized someone had stolen it. All of a sudden, I became paranoid that if I left my purse somewhere unattended someone else would start digging through it. I never carry cash except this time. There really isn't much of value in there except my debit, license and social security card. I feel violated. Someone entered my personal space. My belongings. My life. I feel like because of one person's selfish choice I can't trust people anymore. I can't trust my things around other people and walk away from it. I know it is unfair, but how else should I feel? What did I ever do to her that she felt compelled to attempt to steal? I met her once before and I felt she was a nice person then. Now I feel completely different. How come I have to be a victim of this insane person? I almost feel like I have to go to therapy for such a petty crime...that was simply attempted, but not carried out. I can no longer trust anyone. I guess I knew that from the beginning...trust no one but yourself. But you can't honestly live life like that. You have to be able to know and respect that people will respect you. I want to believe want to be treated like I would want to be treated; kindly, but I'm not sure anyone cares. Everyone is selfish. Everyone is out there for themselves alone.

I would like to believe that I can get past this and trust people again. I want to believe that my faith in humanity will be restored. Maybe I'm the one that needs to get that ball rolling...pay it forward so to speak.


Peace&Love
~L

The First Snowfall

The first snowfall occurred about a week ago and it was quite magical as it always is to me. I love and have loved the first sighting of that white stuff falling from the sky. I'm not sure what it is that I love so much, because after that first one I hate it for the rest of the season. Maybe because it doesn't stick yet. Maybe because for a short time the world seems to be perfect and serene. This morning on my way to work it was snowing again and let me tell you it was perfect and quiet and peaceful. Snow can be magical and transform the landscape. Watching my kiddos watch the big flakes falling from the sky and really appreciating and understanding what it is, also helps.

Peace&Love
~L

An Emotional Week

There was so much that I wanted to fill you in on and talk to you all about, but this past week killed me in every possible way. It started off if you will last Sunday, boy and I had done some shopping for his Christmas party and things were and have been going great for us the past couple of months. Taking things slow and remembering why we fell in love with each other has been working. I said my good-byes to him on Sunday night and was preparing for what I thought would be an average work week. However, it was far from it. The lack of children in our room and the overstaffing and the loss of our A.D. really started to take its toll on me. Why me specifically? Because it directly effected me. Since our class was low, I had to be pulled out or sent home early. Instead of pulling someone else or having someone else come in later. But then anytime I try to talk to them, it becomes well it is the unfortunate disadvantage of working the earliest shift. Bullshit it is. So my hours being cut started this whole thing. Then the lack of hearing basically nothing from boy for a few days or seeing him, for no apparent reason, started me questioning everything. I was thinking...is he talking to another girl again? Is he really busy? Did I say/do something wrong? Why isn't he helping or supporting me during this emotional rollercoaster instead of bashing me and giving me tough love? That frustration continued to be bottled up. The drama at work only magnified. This girl was about to reach the breaking point. Then after talking to him for about 3 minutes last Wednesday and him basically telling me to grow up I hit that point. The one person I was relying on the most for support and understanding was him. So I cried and cried and cried. Then I decided at 830 at night after crying for an hour or so straight that driving would be a cure. It helped a little. I cried again Thursday at random intervals. I just wasn't happy. I had every right not to be happy. Thursday was a long day working from 6am-730pm. My other job had a Thanksgiving feast we all had to help and serve at. After we went out for a few drinks. I felt like this would help me, but it really didn't. On Friday, I was just so frustrated with the children that I needed to step away a few times just to catch my cool. I've decided my brain and my body are telling me its really time. Its time for a change in my aspects of my life. But I'm not going to get crazy and change everything at once. This will all take time. That night we had a surprise party for our A.D. whose official last day is this Tuesday. Lets just say even though I had no intentions of staying past 9 and getting drunk...both of those things happened. I unfortunately had to call boy to have him come pick me up and since we weren't really on our normal good speaking terms, things felt a little awkward. Yesterday was recovery day...still did some crying unfortunately. (Lets hope that I have nothing left to cry out.) I was anticipating at least seeing boy for a couple of hours last night since he worked all day, and he said he was too tired to. That's when I addressed the issues stated above...did I do something? Is there another girl? Etc. I don't know how well he assured me that everything was fine other than to call me crazy. Which at this point, I actually just might be. I didn't get to see boy again today. Although, his mom is having a dinner tonight, which he invited me to, but he is currently still working, so I'm guessing I won't be getting to see him tonight. I understand that he is busy and works, but if I am a priority like he says I am, he should be able to make time for me. I miss him deeply and I fear I miss him far worse than he misses me. I know as the holidays draw closer I will see him less and less no thanks to his stupid part time job in retail. I'm hoping this week will be less emotional than last...but I have a feeling I'm in for another long, crazy week. If I could just get one thing right now it would be a long and tight hug from boy just to remind me things will be just fine.


Peace&Love
~L

Life Quotes

Wow you all should be so lucky I've posted twice this week. I giving myself a pat on the back and a few small claps.

Today has been a day of reflection. Weird shit happened at work today, pointless drama. Drama that I dabbled in when I was 12. You know the 'how come I wasn't invited to your party? That is not fair' kind of drama. Won't go into much depth here...its a pointless topic. I avoid drama. Period. But it got me thinking, this place of work has been nothing but drama and walking on eggshells. Whatever you say can come back to bite you in the butt in a heartbeat or someone takes offense to how you said something that was never meant to be taken that way. People get rather egotistical and selfish when they are given more responsibility than someone else and the rest get jealous. (Needless to say I sometimes fall into that latter category.) I do feel I work my butt off and get little to no recognition or praise. Not that I'm necessarily seeking it, but when others get praise it needs to be evenly distributed amongst the coworkers. Generally speaking, I get along with most people, once I've gotten to know them. In all of my years of working, I have never had the drama and issues that I have had here. Which brings me to this point: if it no longer makes you happy or serves a greater purpose, and it is only stressing you out and making your life miserable, it is time to move on.

I know I have been down this road before...I've mentioned the job searching, but a person can only take so many rejections and no interviews before they give up and tough it out. But right now, this bullshit drama and the constant stress is finally coming to a head and its the drive to get me out.

These 2 quotes couldn't be more true. Love what you do and what makes you happy. Period.


Peace&Love
~L

Court and Some Other Things

For starters, I'm sorry for not posting as often as I would like to. Life as always has gotten the best of me. I feel I barely share anything anymore and that is the complete opposite of the point of this blog and being real with you guys. I believe it is so hard for me to post, not only because I'm busy ALL day and the last thing I want to do at 8 at night is write a pointless post, but because everything has become complacent. I'm doing nothing new or exciting or out of the ordinary. It has become just the same cycle day in and day out. Nothing changes. I've come to that point again...many of you who move frequently or travel frequently know what I mean...the itch to explore and do something crazy and fun. Like pick up and move across country without any idea as to where or how you will make it, but somehow in the end it always works itself out. That's kind of where I'm at. There has been so much shit and drama at work and I believe that I work my ass off everyday and get nothing in return for it. I see others who don't work as hard as me get offers to do more things to add to their list of accomplishments. It makes no sense and its something I guess I can't seem to understand or fix. I understand not everyone is going to like everyone, but no one here seems to like me. But that my friends, is not something I want to waste my breath over. As much as it hurts me that I'm not invited to work functions, or asked to help out with different things around the center, sitting here complaining about it, doesn't help. It just means it is time for a change.

Now due to my lack of keeping you informed...I must tell you of my first ever court experience. I got pulled over about a month ago for speeding. I have been pulled over many times and not once have I gotten a ticket. I'm not sure how I managed to weasel my way out of them, but it happened. Then it finally happened. I was excessively speeding and to make a long story short, the cop thought I had attitude and didn't believe the women on my license was me and for a few split seconds I thought I was going to jail and therefore he handed me a ticket. I had a $90 fine which in the grand scheme of things wasn't bad, but I had 4 points go on my license. I went to court yesterday to try and reduce my points and after standing in line for about 30 minutes it all happened in a blink of an eye...nothing changed. Judge found me guilty told me I had to pay the fine in full in 60 days and my points would remain. Seriously? I didn't even get to state my case. I guess I'm a criminal now. Haha. No it just means I really need to watch my speeds because I only need to get to 12 before my license is suspended.

Here's to slowing down a bit both in my car and life.

Peace&Love
~L

Playing a Little Catch Up

I'm a little disappointed in myself for the lack of posts as of late. Unfortunately, life is getting the best of me these days. I work 12 hours and come home and workout and the last thing I want to do is type some pointless blog post. I wish I could say something interesting has happened recently and it simply hasn't. Halloween was today and it was great to see the kiddos at school so crazy excited for trick-or-treating, although the weather was absolutely miserable. It's crazy to think in a month we will be celebrating my second favorite holiday of the year, my first being the 4th of July. I love Thanksgiving...but that will be a post for that day. I can't believe in just over 2 months the year will be complete and I will be sitting here reflecting on another year which has had more downs than ups.

But enough looking into the future, lets focus on the past and the here and now. Here's a few photos to help me recap a little of the past few weeks. I promise to blog a little more often than I have.

My twinnies and I on Packer day

Holy Hill

Holy Hill

My own take on Holy Hill

Here's to the end of one month and a beginning to another.

Peace&Love
~L

Photo Dump

Because I haven't been around lately pictures will tell my story of what has been going on.

From top to bottom:

My fall walk/run from yesterday after I got out of job #1 early. It has been amazingly gorgeous these past few weeks and I'm not ready to give up the upper 60s low 70s and sunshiney weather yet.

Moonshine at the local grocery store? I didn't realize it became legal to sell.

An early fall drive a few weeks ago. The leaves were just beginning to turn and the weather was epically beautiful.

You have already seen the Chicago post and pictures but I did a collage to highlight all the places.

And then there is the ringworm on my leg, which I have now had for over 3 weeks and has diminished in color but grown in size.

It is not much and I know I've been slacking. I've just been busy and lacking motivation these days. And that is in every aspect of my life not just blogging.

Peace&Love
~L

Writing Just to Write

It's been awhile since I've written just because. I feel like I'm just catching you up on the big events that are happening, mainly because I have no time to do anything else. Working both jobs has finally caught up with me, I got nasty sick for the better half of this week and just now am starting to get better from it. I've still got a nice nasty cough and am having trouble sleeping at night, but I blame that on the meds. I also have ringworm. Don't ask me how I got it. I'm still unsure of that answer myself. So my body currently is fighting off lots of fun stuff. The bummer to all of this is just trying to get back into a workout routine. With the days getting shorter and the weather getting cooler, it's nearly impossible to workout outside. I almost feel to exhausted when I get home and there is such a lack of motivation. I'm contemplating joining a gym, if I can find one for a decent price. It would be right across the street from my second job, so I'd feel like it would be used quite often.

Not much else is new in this crazy life of mine, but I guess that's ok. I know this has been nothing short of boring, but I just felt the need to write something. So there it was!

Peace&Love
~L

Chicago Birthday

After much deliberation boy and I decided to go to a bed and breakfast in Rockton, IL for his birthday. We drove down on Thursday morning. With thoughts of what the town would be like we were slightly disappointed, but the bed and breakfast was indescribable. The property was so gorgeous. I'm so lucky to have been able to go with him. We did some antiquing before we checked in. We then took a tour of the grounds from the house itself to the apple orchards and everything in between. After a delicious homemade breakfast we decided to head out to Chicago which was about an hour from where we were staying. I haven't been to Chicago in quite some time and was so glad to have made it back. There is unbelievably so much you can do there, you honestly need more than a day to go there. We did as much as we could in a day: the Willis Tower, Navy Pier, Millennium Park and the Magnificent Mile. We rode taxi's and the train around town and did lots of walking. All in all it was a great day and a great end to a week with the best guy around. Happy 25th birthday! Here's to many more.

The barn/reception hall

Apple Orchard

Inside hall...so gorgeous

Most of the property

Our mansion

Just one of the many rooms in the house

One of the outdoor patios

Hot tub barn

Navy Pier, Chicago

The Ferris Wheel

Us under the bean

Ha

The Bean

That's a hefty charge for vomiting

Navy Pier

View from Willis Tower

The SkyLedge...scary

The Chicago River

Under the train

On the wheel

Peace&Love
~L

Where Have I Been?

It's been quite some time since I have last been on here, but I knew that was going to happen working 2 jobs and just trying to keep a little bit of a social life around here.

I left off by telling you I was taking a trip to Michigan and boy was it a trip. And not in a good way by any means. I left early Saturday morning with nothing buy happy thoughts of a stress free weekend. Knowing that the only thing separating me from fun times was a 6 hour drive. And needless to say that 6 hour drive turned into a 12 hour one. You might think did she get lost? Get stuck in major Labor day weekend traffic somewhere? No. None of that. I was flying high and making good time. I made it to Indiana and was about 20 miles in, when I looked down at my temperature and gauge and it was on hot. I started to panic. I was literally in the middle of nowhere. I knew the rest stop was about 5 miles up the road, but decided to let my car cool, so I pulled over. I saw some smoke start to come out of my hood and realized that wasn't a good thing. I checked the fluids in every compartment I could think of. Everything seemed to be in working order. I called my dad and told him what was going on. He talked me through things and I decided an hour after I had originally pulled over to go on ahead and push my car to the next rest stop. I made it. I decided that I needed to check everything again and that's when I found that my radiator was completely dry. Obviously I had a leak somewhere and it was a matter of finding it. I wasted quite a bit of money at the gas station on oil, coolant and the like. After about another hour or so, a nice man came by and helped me out. He found the source of my problem, a major hose that was leaking coolant. Unfortunately, there wasn't much I could do about it. I tried to patch it up with some heavy duty tape and thought it would work. All this time I called my dad about 50 times and then had my sister and her husband coming out to meet me and pick me up. My dad thought I'd be able to make it to the next city which was about 15 miles away. I decided to give it a try only to make it about 2 miles away before my car gave out on me. So there I sat in the middle of nowhere crying hysterically in the pouring rain alone. Eventually my sister made it out and I wasn't alone, but I felt bad for them having to drive all the way out. My car got towed to a city a few miles back the opposite direction. I got the car fixed but we didn't leave until about 330ish and still had to drive another 3 plus hours. That set the stage for the rest of the weekend. We didn't do much but hang around, which wasn't horrible, but I really wanted to do some more fun things. I came back on Monday with no problems. Thank goodness.

I will fill you in later on details of my bosses daughters birthday party and a Packer party.

Peace&Love
~L

Summer's End

Seriously? Where has summer gone? I feel like it just started and we are now at its end. It has been a whirlwind around here the past couple of weeks and I know I won't be able to fill you in on ALL of the details.

Do you remember back when I said I was taking a hiatus? How it was supposed to be relaxing and a time to catch up on some much needed sleep before I started my second job? Yeah well we were without power for over 2 days. And let me tell you when it's rather warm outside having air is quite nice. Now I had a choice to be upset about it all, which in the moments right after it happened, I was. But I decided to find other things to occupy my time with. It's amazing how much you take for granted all of the technology we have in our lives. After dealing with all of that craziness we finally got it back on and it was like Christmas around here.

As you know my birthday was last weekend, and unfortunately, it wasn't what I had in mind at all for my big 25th. I can never seem to get a good celebration out of any major milestone. My 21st fell on the day before classes started. My golden birthday was a dud as well. I had planned on going on a trip but that fell through when I realized I needed to save money. Boy had planned on whisking me away to a bed and breakfast, but never followed through with that plan, mainly because we were both creeped out by the floral décor. He then wound up working all weekend, which sucked. He did take me out for my birthday to a Brazilian restaurant which was delicious beyond words. I saw him a few more times that weekend just for a few hours here and there. I was supposed to go out with a group of friends on Saturday night to drink and dance, but no one seemed up for it. Perhaps that's what happens when you turn 25.

And as you all know I started my second job well over 2 weeks ago now and I feel all sorts of disheveled. I still can't seem to get a routine going as far as when to eat and when to workout and that is getting me more flustered than ever. I feel like I'm gaining more and more weight and that is making me upset. I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with having two jobs.

Here's to a 3 day weekend trip, which finds me traveling to Michigan to visit my sister and her husband.

Peace&Love
~l

Toast to 25 years!

There has been a lot going on recently in my life and that relaxing hiatus I told you I was taking, was basically the opposite of that. But those details I will fill you in on in a later post. Today is a time for reflection. Today is my 25th birthday. And though months ago I had grand ideas and plans for this birthday since I never got to really celebrate my 21st in style and I figure being a quarter of a century old is pretty impressive, I have absolutely no plans whatsoever.

I sit here and think about how long 25 years is. In the grand scheme of things, its nothing. I look back on 25 years of living and question how much of it was really spent 'living'. I feel most of my life I have worked and worked and worked. Or gone to school. I think about how much I wasted away when I could have taken all of this time to do something amazing. But I'm not going to get hung up on that. I have time yet to do things. I'm blessed to have lived as long as I have...growing old is a privilege denied to many. I don't think about myself as getting older, in fact I never really have. I don't feel any different than I did yesterday. I haven't noticed any grey hairs popping in or more achy joints. I have noticed a bigger lust to enjoy life. I've been so busy working 2 jobs I haven't really had time to just enjoy some me time. Time to think about what makes me happy. Even though this weekend will go by in a blink of an eye I'm hoping that I get to spend it with the people I love doing things I love. Here's to the past 25 years of life and here's to the next 25 years of life!

Peace&Love
~L

It's That Time

It's that time again when I start losing my inspiration and have nothing of excitement to bring to you all. It's the same old boringness of my life. What I've done over the weekend, how work has been, etc. You get the idea. I'm not saying that my life is dull and boring, it's just that before I begin my new life with 2 jobs, I want to take every ounce of free time I have just to be dull and boring. I've been on this great high recently...maybe its the fact I will be bringing in a little more money, or the weather is great or I'm all around just happy and I want to savor that as much as possible. I know things haven't been perfect over here as of late and that's why I'm trying my best to just enjoy this time and moment.

So I'm going to be taking a little hiatus again. Just for some me/personal time, but don't you worry I've already got an idea of what I have planned coming down the pipeline. And I'm hoping by the time I return I will be on my own domain like with a .com and not a blogger.com.

Peace&Love
~L

Welcome to August

I already feel like this month has flown by and we are less than a week into it. Unfortunately, August will fly by and summer will be gone here in Wisconsin.

Let me catch you up on what has been happening around here lately:

Saturday, boy and I went to the State Fair. As I've gotten older, I've realized how much less I like and enjoy going to the fair, but it is still a must do every summer. However, whenever the fair ends every Wisconsinite knows that summer is ending too. We went home and pretty much crashed right away.

Sunday, boy and I went to the lakefront and rented bikes and rode around our beautiful city. After hitting up the Third Ward as is traditional for us every Sunday we went home and crashed. Later in the afternoon we went to his mom's for our monthly Sunday dinner. We had tacos which was absolutely delicious. Unfortunately, I had a really bad headache most of the afternoon.

That headache spilled over into yesterday. No amount of medicine was going to knock that sucker out. I also felt like I was going to pass out. Today my head has sort of hurt on and off, but overall, it hasn't been too bad. I feel more lightheaded than anything. Either I'm dehydrated (which is sort of what I'm hoping for) or I might be seeing myself back in the hospital for some tests on my blood. You see, I'm anemic and if I'm not getting enough iron I feel light-headed and tired and tend to bruise easily which has been the case lately.

And to close out this post, I was offered a part time position at my old daycare and took it. But right now I'm concerned that I might burn myself out. 12 hour days aren't for the faint of heart for sure. I honestly don't know when I will fit in a work out or me time, but me time will come in a few months when I'm seeing the results of my hard work. Hopefully. It won't hurt to have an extra $600/month coming in. 


Peace&Love
~L

Good-bye July

It's crazy to think its the last day of July! One month of summer. One month to exhaust all of the fun activities of summer. One month to enjoy the true warmth and heat that Wisconsin has to offer. And August is going to be a great one. More festivals. More family time. And of course the big 2-5 for me!

It's time to say goodbye to July. Time to recap on some of the highlights of the month.

*I moved into my new place. Which has been nothing short of enjoyable. What a blessing it has been to have these two great people in my life.

*4th of July celebrations were spent with boy's family. Plenty of time out in the sun and beach. First time at the Rosebud Theater and Il Mito.

*Polish Fest, Festa Italiana and Germanfest with the boy. All very funny and all had delicious food. Nothing beat having authentic cuisine.

*Brady Street Festival- for those of you who don't know, Brady Street is the main street on the east side of MKE. It is very bohemian/hippie chic. There are lots of eclectic bars and restaurants. The festival was a one day event with local bands and local food. With lots of uniquely dressed people and plenty of college students.

*One week of sizzling hot and humid weather turned very quickly into one of the coldest weekends I can recall for a July.

*Dinner with my family, got to see my dad for the first time in over a year and my Uncle Martin who lives in New Hampshire. My dad is moving back to WI but about 4 hours north of me.

*Car troubles...got to drop about $500 to get it fixed.

*Hours being cut at work, sucked. But God somehow has his way of showing whats best. And now I'm going to be working 2 jobs. Bringing an extra $600/month.

Overall, a month full of ups and downs. A month definitely of learning and growing. I gained a lot of patience and trust. I'm looking forward to what August has to bring. I hope its nothing short of awesome!

Peace&Love
~L

Iphone Dump

I've never done one of these before...never really thought about it. But now that I've gradually accumulated quite a bit of photos I'd thought I'd share some with you.

1. Roommate lovin'.

2. Petting sting rays at the zoo

3. Peacock showing off

4. Ferrari my future car, at Festa Italiana

5. Ancient stamp dispenser at an antique store in the Third Ward

6. Giraffes are the best

7. Caribou

8. Pewaukee Lake with the boy

 

 

Peace&Love

~L

Blah Days

Do you ever have those days where nothing was terribly wrong, but you felt like the lowest piece of crap on planet earth for no apparent reason? And you schlup around feeling sorry for yourself just trying to figure out anything that will shake the blahs? Yeah today was one of those days for me. I was relatively fine this morning and then right around noon I was like meh I don't feel like being happy anymore. Nothing triggered this sudden change of emotion. I did leave work early again and maybe that was some underlying thought in my head. I came home worked out and took a nice hot shower. That didn't seem to help. I kind of fell asleep. That didn't help. Then boy came over to take me to drop my car off to get fixed and just like that my mood changed. Simply seeing him after I haven't seen him for a week was just the thing I needed to help me get through this blah feeling. However, he is gone again and the high I was sort of feeling is nearly gone. Hopefully, a nice rest will help.


Peace&Love
~L

Perhaps A Turning Point

Life isn't easy. Period. I've known this for a very long time. I've been knocked down and it sucks, but I stand up stronger than before. It's called being resilient. You know how I told you I was in the hunt for a new/better job? And I feel that every job I've applied to has rejected me. Well today I received 2 phone calls from 2 companies who are interested in ME! I don't want to get over excited as if I already have the job, but it feels good to finally have some recognition. I'm hoping to do these interviews next week some time. Here's to a new chapter in my life?


Peace&Love
~L

Just Thoughts

Honestly, my head only thinks of one thing these days and that is finding another job. The stress of it all is driving me crazy. I feel like even though I went to college I don't have enough experience in any profession, other than education, that I'm never going to be selected for an interview. I know if I keep thinking like that it won't get me anywhere. I just feel for some people, everything comes so easy for them, while I have to sit over here everyday work my ass off, come home fill out 10-15 applications a day and hoping that someone, somewhere will give me a chance. I've gotten enough rejection notices via email from enough companies that my ego is bruised and my determination to keep on trying is nearly gone. Everybody keeps saying, you have to keep trying and eventually something will come up and it will be the best thing for you. Will it be?

Maybe it is time to go back to school after all and get my Master's.


Peace&Love
~L

Sarah's Birthday Bash

It has been awhile since I've gone out with a group of girls. It is my roommate/coworker Sarah's 25th birthday this weekend so we decided to go out last night. She wanted a drama free and drunken night and for the most part that's what she got. We did have a little drama with another coworker who was supposed to come with us but she decided she was going to freak out about going out since she never has. We basically told her to stay home and she did.

We did a little pre-gaming I had a few sips of vodka and coke, but wasn't really digging it. We didn't actually leave our place until 1030 and got downtown Milwaukee around 1100. Honestly, I was quite disappointed in the city of MKE. It was really dead. The bars were barely packed if there were any people in them at all. Which I actually didn't mind as the night went on. We started out at Red Rock Saloon which is a country bar. We lasted there for about 45 minutes before we decided to hit up Coyote Ugly. Which yes if you have seen the movie its exactly what you think...women can dance on the bar. Which is exactly what we did. Sarah's other friends needed some more coaxing. After being there for about an hour we moved on to Trinity. Now that place was packed, but we didn't last there very long. Sarah was so far gone at this point. So her fiancé and I took her back home. We stopped a few times so she could puke, most of which landed in the car. We made it home and we were up for about another hour trying to feed her, dress her and get her into bed.

All in all, I think she had a great night.

Happy Birthday Sarah!

Peace&Love
~L

A Stress Free Week

Haha if only that were true.

This week has been anything but stress free and I'm not even done with it yet. First of all my car has been leaking some sort of fluid and most likely its coolant so something related to the radiator. The guy told me today that it could cost me around $400 to get whatever is wrong with it fixed. So I have an appointment on Friday to get my car looked at, nothing fixed yet. Luckily, living so close to people from work and the boy I'm not too worried being without my car. I can still get places. Unfortunately, I don't have that kind of money just laying around, especially with my hours being drastically cut at work. I thought living where I am now would allow me to be saving more money, but I feel as if I'm losing more than I'm gaining.

That has been another stressor: work. My hours are being cut really bad, that I'm barely still full time. I keep getting yelled at or criticized of the way I do things. Never EVER in all my years of working have I dealt with so much bullshit than I do here. It really sucks. I'm ready for a 40 hour work week and a car that works well. And possibly a new job. I've applied to quite a few and I'm ready for just about anything.


Peace&love
~L

Holiday Weekend Recap

Thursday through yesterday was spent over at boy's house. That was a real test of our relationship. Needless to say we had more than our fair share of petty arguments, but I knew I was having an off time and that really wasn't fair to him. If I could go back and rewind time I would. Anyways overall it was a good weekend.

On the 4th of July we went to the beach for a few hours to get some sun. Everyone else had the same idea. Early afternoon we headed to his mom's for an early dinner which was delicious. After her place we went to boy's dad's side of the family's get together. We only stayed for about 20 minutes because according to boy I had an attitude. Which I guess I sort of did. We talked it out though. And that was that.

On Friday we both had to work. I only worked 3 hours before I came back and feel asleep for 3 hours. I watched about 3 hours of Sons of Anarchy before boy came home. He wasn't feeling so great so I let him rest a little. He had a special date planned to go to the Rosebud Theater to see the Lone Ranger. The movie itself sucked horribly, but the theater was a nice little romantic spot. The only seating inside are loveseats. We got a collectors glass with the name on it to take home.

On Saturday boy had to work for awhile in the morning, but I mainly just slept. I then when to the beach by myself for a few hours, but it was really hot and sticky out and I was just not feeling it by about 1 so I left. Boy was home and we went downtown Waukesha and just walked around. We went into and old 60's diner and boy ordered a shake. I just got water. We headed back home and hung out for a few hours before we went to dinner at Il Mito. A great Italian place. I highly recommend it. We would never usually go to a place like this but since boy lost a bet to me...I chose to go here. And we were not disappointed. After our dinner we headed over to one of his friends places for a bonfire before he headed back to Minnesota. That was pretty fun to hear stories from boy's high school days.

On Sunday...well it didn't start off that great. We butted heads and things were said that probably shouldn't have been said. But we apologized for them and we realized that we are going to have bad days together and we will fight and we will get through it. We met up with another friend of his later that day to go to a trampoline park called Helium which was a lot of fun, but I'm definitely sore today. After that we went to the grocery store for some dinner items and headed home and caught up on some more tv.

It was quite a busy weekend, and it had its ups and downs, but it was all worth it. I love boy with all my heart no matter what. He is coming over tomorrow for dinner and to check out what I've done with the new place. (Nothing. That's what.)

Peace&Love
~l

Just A little Catchin Up

Well I'm moved in, but it didn't come without its problems. Those stories for another time. I still am not all the way unpacked, because the walk-in closet isn't cleared yet. But I don't want to be a pesky roommate with a lot of demands. So I can wait a few more days. A part of me doesn't even want to unpack, because I feel like in a few months I will have to repack it all. But for the most part things are looking good.

Work has sucked a bunch this past week...and its only Tuesday. That should tell you something. My hours have been drastically cut and that's not a good thing at all. I was almost going to go home at 10 but luckily the AD found some things for me to do and I was at least able to work til 1230. Not my scheduled time of 2, but its better than only getting 4 hours in. Needless, to say the job search is on in full force again. Need to get a better paying job, or these bills are never going to get paid and finding my own place to live is never going to happen.

Last night I caught up with a dear friend of mine, Aimee. We had drinks and dinner at La Fuentes which is a great Mexican place. I had my fill of chips and salsa and then burrito's. So delicious. It was good catching up with her.


Since I will most likely not be posting until after the 4th have a great holiday!

Peace&Love
~L

MOVING DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you tell I'm excited?! I've been up since 530 this morning...ok so not that long ago, but my excitement didn't allow me to fall back to sleep. Needless to say I'm just a tad bit stressed about it all. I think that goes without saying. I want to make sure I have everything. I also want to make sure everything is in order and set to go before we take off. I'm also afraid of falling down the stairs with my shit and breaking some body part because I'm carrying too heavy of a load. Thankfully, boy will be here soon to help me load everything up. Then when we arrive we have more hands to help us move the stuff up!

Catch you after the move!

Peace&Love
~L

Good Things Coming

I can't believe in less than 24 hours I will be all moved in to my temporary new place. I can't wait to be with my friend Sarah and her fiancé. I think we are going to have a kick-ass time. Another co-worker of ours lives right across the street and apparently she frequents their place. So its going to get crazy from time to time. (Side note on all of this...not to make a rather happy post turn sour...but, I was told I needed to be moved out by July 1st. I know I don't have that much shit to move compared to the other 2 living here, but they are by no means making any effort to get themselves out by then. I just don't understand how they can sit around doing nothing and expect it to be done by then...or I was just lied to about everything. But honestly, it works best this way. Best of luck to them. I will be happy with my life.)



Back to the good things. Thursday night boy and I hit up Summerfest and watched one of our favorite bands, Atlas Genius, tear up the stage. Since it was late, boy stayed over that night and both of us were not looking forward to getting up at 5 in the morning. But thank goodness it was Friday. We went our separate ways to work. It was a rather odd morning weather wise. On my side of town the sun was just starting to get up and as I drove closer to work it became a little cloudy. On one side of me I could just see the sun rising, passing its light through the rain and on the other side the rainbow. I saw the whole thing form and then dissipate. I even saw a second rainbow begin to form. It was one of those you had to be there moments to really appreciate it. We've had a lot of rain and storms around here lately and it was nice to finally see something cool come out of one them. And to top it all off, last night I witnessed another rainbow. I couldn't help but smile.

They say that rainbows are good luck. I'm not one for all that superstitious stuff, but there is something about seeing a rainbow, and the rarity of it, that for seeing a near double rainbow and a third one later all in the same day...makes you wonder. I do believe from the Bible God made a promise with a rainbow. Everytime I see a rainbow I'm reminded of his promises. I believe that good things are coming down the road for me, and soon. I'm excited about this next phase of my journey and can't wait to see what new adventures await.

Peace&Love
~L

Changes

It's so crazy to think that in less than a week I will be moving out. I'm so fortunate enough that I have friends from work who are willing to house me until I find my own place. I just hope I don't get too comfortable that I stay like I did here.

Changes for me bring about time to reflect on the past and allow you to think about the upcoming adventures in the future. In the past 5 years I have moved just about that many times. To Minnesota, back to Wisconsin to South Carolina where I moved 3 times and back to Wisconsin stayed at one place for a month and then moved into where I am now. Crazy to think that in the past 5 years this is the place I've lived the longest (just under 2 years). Being the free spirit that I am, I don't mind the moves. It gives me a chance to learn and adjust to a new situation. But it makes me start thinking that someday I would love to just be settled. To be able to live somewhere for more than 5 years. To make a home to build a life. Right now, I have the luxury of being able to pick up and move whenever I please. I have nothing tying me down.

As I begin to look at the empty boxes and the contemplation of things that must go inside, I begin to remember the memories. I think about the random knick knacks on my shelf and who each of them connects to. Most of them are connected to boy. I begin to think about when I first moved in here, and how excited I was to be living with a friend from highschool/college. As I begin to pack up, I realize how much people can change in such a short time. The excitement I once had to live with a good friend is now the excitement I have to leave here. The past few months have been agony here, specifically the last month or so. The fact I don't even feel comfortable in my own place of residence means its time for a change. I begin to recall the times I've had with my friend and maybe parts of it are my fault for not giving her more time and attention. Since being with boy for most of the past year and a half has not allowed me much time with her. Don't get me wrong, we did hang out quite a bit, but things changed and we grew apart. I don't think we saw eye to eye on certain things, but managed to work our way around them and now I think they have just come to a head. We are both growing and working towards different goals and running down different paths in life. But she is very much a part of my learning experiences.

I think about the jobs I've held. Not too exciting. Finally, I will be closer to work (at least for the time being.) I think about the future I have in some other company down the road. I'm very excited for the potential to move up and out of daycare/teaching.

It's crazy to think how fast the years have flown by. Here I sit and smile and laugh and cry a little about the past 2 years. So much of my life changed while I lived here. I believe in the new place more of the same will happen. Many people think moving sucks or is a bad thing, but I tend to love it. It's sort of a new start, a fresh page. A chance to learn and grow all over again.

To changes and growth!

Peace&Love
~L

Don't Stop Believin'

Yes I was a little inspired by Journey. I heard that song today and its been stuck ever since. The past couple weeks have been a whirlwind to say the least. Situations occurred between my current roommate and I and we will no longer be living together as of July 1st. We initially had planned on living together, but due to what I call lack of communication, things never came together. She wound up finding her own place, which apparently she can afford. I wish I could say the same thing. I can really only afford about 450/month do to my student loans. And the fact I get paid a horrible amount of money for what I do. Regardless, I've been searching high and low to find a place. I was finding lots of studio apartments in my price range and every time I'd call it would be oh we just filled our last spot or nope sorry nothing is available at the moment. I called this one studio which would have been perfect. Everything included for $400/month. The only down side was it was an additional 10 minutes away from work and I'm already quite far. I drove down there today to check the space out (turns out it was in the ghetto) they just signed a new person for the place. I had called yesterday afternoon to see if they had any available and they did. Crazy how quickly things fill up. I've been really down on myself, because I really do want to live on my own. No roommates at all. But honestly, I can't do it. Boy and I aren't ready to live together yet. I don't want to rush anything there. I've had people from work offer me to stay with them, but I feel like I'm intruding on their families. But I don't have much option. So I contacted a girl from work and she said it should be good. I will have my own bed and bath which will be nice. At least this gives me a little bit more time to search for a place of my own and hope that something pops up in my price range. I will keep looking, but there is less of a panic to get into a place by July 1st. Even though things are really tough in every aspect of my life I've got 'don't stop believing' playing in my head. I trust that things will work out how they should. And after all of this stuff settles, I will be a stronger person for it.


Peace&Love
~L

Spending the Day With Grandparents

Yesterday I was bored and really needed to get out of the house. I decided since I haven't seen my grandparents in awhile and won't be seeing them for the next couple of months it was time for a visit. I headed over there around 1 and they were watching the Brewer's game. My grandma is a HUGE fan. She doesn't miss one game if she has anything to say about it. Lucky for me, they won big time. We did lots of chit chatting about our lives and family who are coming in to town for a visit in the near future. She also informed me that one of my aunts and uncles might be moving back to the area soon and they are coming to visit at the end of the month and most likely will be looking at houses. That would be awesome to have the family slowly start trickling back home.

My grandma was also talking to be about our ancestry and how she doesn't know what her mother was. I've always been interested in learning about our past. Especially with our family we can only trace back so far. Our name isn't a very popular name and is rarely ever found in telephone books or any genealogy books. They do believe it got shortened somewhere down the line so we could be a variety of things. We do know we are German because my grandma's dad was born there and moved to this country when he was 5. He apparently told my grandma that the city he was from was bombed and no longer existed so we'd never be able to find it. There have been some distant relatives that have been doing research on the family. Apparently, one of the cousins put a whole book together on his research. Which I would love to get my hands on, but no one knows where he is exactly. My grandpa has German on his side also but he only knows up to where his grandparents are in the family line. He knows they were born in the United States, but doesn't know further back than that. He has been told that his family came from a border region around Germany and France. So I suppose we could also be French. Anyways, someday I would love to find out exactly what my family is other than German.

Catching up with the grandparents is great. I feel like I learn so much from them one on one instead of when the whole family gets together. I think the next time I go for a visit I hope I can look through old photos of people. That would be so incredibly fun.

Peace&Love
~L

Ho Hum Sunday

Last night I was boy's chauffeur around town. He had to work at Pride Fest here in MKE and I had to go pick him up after he was done which was around 11pm. We drove down to Ian's Pizza. Which has some crazy varieties of pizza. I had the mac and cheese pizza. The slices are about 1/4 the size of the pizza...which is huge! Boy had some bbq and fries pizza. Yeah I told you unique! But oh so delish!

We got back to my place around 1230am. He stayed the night. First time for him staying over here. We woke up around 6! Way too early if you ask me! He had to leave relatively early since he has another shift at Pride today. My tasks of the day are pretty much the same as they've been all weekend. Looking for a new job. Looking for a place to live. Looking for a possible new roommate since my current situation is not looking so well. I'm getting sick of doing this over and over again. The weather looks like it will be a relatively good day. What I plan on doing with that? I'm not exactly sure yet. I don't really want to spend all day inside being completely and utterly lazy. But I don't really feel like driving far away just to do something outdoors. I guess I will see where this day takes me.


Peace&Love
~L

Farmers Market Bust

I was so excited to go to a Farmer's Market today. I was looking forward to tasting lots of great food and buying some fresh produce. Unfortunately my excitement turned to disappointment. I even attempted going to 2 of them and they were both horrible. The first one had a little more variety of things to look at, but no fresh produce. I did however get a churro, which I haven't had since high school. Needless to say, I was quite disappointed by that also. The second market I stopped at was even worse than the first. There were about half the stands and this place was mainly selling flowers and jewelry. Next week I plan on hitting up another one hoping to find a good one. I really want some fresh corn on the cob and a nice juicy apple.


Peace&Love
~l

Weekly Check In

As promised, I will fill you in on how POORLY I did in my miles ran this week. I'm definitely going to have to make this all up. Let's just say this week hasn't been the greatest one on record. From the weather feeling like its fall and not summer to work feeling longer than it normally should and feeling completely and utterly exhausted by the time I get home and not wanting to do a damn thing. Now to having my best friend of the month pay me a visit which makes me feel more tired, but I feel fat which makes me want to workout, but my workouts suck because I don't have any push in me. Yeah...its been that kind of week. Sometimes, though your body does know what is best and sometimes it does need a rest. However, I feel like I've eaten so much this week, mostly crap food, that I want to exercise to make sure I don't gain weight. To top everything off, this morning, I began to feel the sniffles come and I know that's a bad sign. I had a feeble attempt at running this afternoon. It was anything but glorious. The weather was a perfect 65 degrees. Excellent outdoor workout weather. I did my normal pre-run walking warm-up, then began my run. Things seemed fine and in order, but I only ran .35 of a mile before my lungs decided they wanted to die. I decided walking it was probably better than trying to run. I was only getting worse. It was to the point where even just stopping wasn't helping me. I decided to turn around and head home for my inhaler. I was beat. My body was beat. My high flying self was beat. All because I have the sniffles. My body said NO! Crazy lady we need sleep and rest and recovery. So needless to say the run wasn't so much a run. It was more of a crawl. So I'm crossing this week off as bad. I should probably not force myself tomorrow to run, but who are we kidding?

Also on tomorrows agenda...Farmers Market!! I'm so looking forward to this!

Peace&Love
~L