What Today Means

No this is not about how we have finally reached the end of another sad football season, unless of course you are a 49ers or Ravens fan, of which I am neither. Today would have been the boy's and my 1 year anniversary. Obviously the whole break up in and of itself were extremely hard, but then add less than a week later we would have been together for a year, really made it worse. Although, I think I have gotten a little better as far as getting through this, I still can't bear to take down pictures and other memorablia from the past year. Sometimes I feel like we are on a long hiatus from each other, even though I know thats not what this is. I can't help but think of all the things we've done together. Periodically, I will stumble upon something and think about how I forgot we did whatever it was. All the things we've ever done make me smile, but also hurt because its over and we won't be doing that again soon, possibly ever. As I sit here and think back on the past year between us, I think, I never imagined I would be sitting here, writing about how I'm not with him anymore. I think about how most of my memories with him have only ever been good and fun, romantic and silly, no judgments, no cares, pure and simply and uniquely us. And while what happened between us wasn't ideal, nor fun, I know the past year of my life with him has been by far the best year. I looked forward to another year of that same thing, possibly even better than the last, but that is now a thing of the past. Right now I just wish I knew how he was doing. What is going on in his life. I know that is no longer my privilege to know, but even though he was my boyfriend, he was my best friend above all else, and I just wish I could be there for him as a friend. I just hope he keeps his promise of getting back in contact with me. Because even if things don't work out in the relationship sense, I hope we can always be friends. My biggest fear is that he will just forget about me and us and what we had and move on. But, alas, that is not my concern. Nor should I let it bother me. I should support and be happy for him, if thats what he chooses to do.

Wherever you are out there in this town/city/state/world, I hope this finds you well. I miss you every single day and although its still not easy, I'm getting there. I only think happy thoughts of you. I smile about the time we were able to share with each other. I think we learned a lot from each other. And regardless of how it ended, you changed my life for the better.

Peace&Love
~L