Emotional Wreck

Why? Why is this so hard? Is it because I loved him so incredibly much and all I got in return was basically a slap in the face? And whenever I see his twitter, its clear that he has no pain or remorse and looks to have moved on. Almost 2 weeks have passed and nothing seems to be getting better. This week I made it through without crying or really thinking about it, but for some reason today I can't stop thinking about him. I keep crying and this isn't fair. I feel like I'm never going to be able to move on. I did NOTHING wrong, yet I feel like I was the one who fucked it all up. I shouldn't feel this way.

I should be happier than I am. I went out with some old coworkers and loved seeing everyone, but in the back of my mind all I could see and want was him. Everyone knows about us. I see two of my friends that are so happy with their guys and they are buying houses with each other and they haven't even been dating their guys for a year! One of them is even talking about marriage and having kids. I don't know if that triggered all of this emotional crap for me. I can't do it anymore. I want more than ever to tell him how much he has screwed me up. Is this what he wanted? Tonight I'm supposed to be going out again with my roommate and a few of our friends. We are getting all fancy dressed up and going to a whiskey bar. I should be excited for it. I should be ready for a crazy night. But I'm not. I haven't moved on from the boy and I'm not ready to start looking for another guy. I don't even like to think of myself as single, but I know boy clearly does not want me anymore, so I need to learn to get over it. And maybe, just maybe, there will be a much better guy out there who will help me forget all about boy.

Things I need to remember: time won't heal the wound, this I know from being hurt previously. You still think about whatever it was that caused you grief, but as time goes on it doesn't hurt as bad to protect you from going crazy. (Although I think I'm at that point already.) And Drake he is a god for me. I always stumble across his quotes and lyrics to songs and think this guy knows what he is talking about. I hope one day, I can get past the pain and remember what made boy like me so much, and show that off to someone else but even better than I was then. I don't like revenge or to make people feel horrible, but right now nothing would make me happier than to have boy realize what a good thing he threw away so easily.

Peace&Love
~L