I miss a lot of things...like family members who have passed, my childhood, my friends and simply being able to hang out whenever, vacations(haha). The thing that I miss the most my family. I miss so much of just being able to sit down and talk at the dinner table with my family. It sucks we are all spread about the country and rarely get to see each other and when we do, its great, but short and bittersweet when its time to say goodbye. My sister lives in upstate New York and I wish we lived closer, its hard as sisters to be so distant. I just hope when we both settle down a little more and start families we can be at least a little closer. My brother and mom live in Florida. My dad lives in Georgia. People who have their family within driving distance are so lucky and should cherish every moment they get with them and not take it for granted. Trust me, I wasn't so in love with my family as a teen and would do anything to get away from them, I kind of wish I could go back to that time when things were a little easier and our family was whole.
The other story: I debated sharing this with all of you but I figured you have followed me thus far and know what happened in the situation. So here it is: last night I was just laying in bed watching Sons of Anarchy when all of a sudden I hear my phone ding to let me know I had a text. I glanced down at my phone and it said the ex-boys name. I had to double take and triple take. I literally stopped everything! I had no idea what to thing or feel, but everything that I managed to tuck away came swirling back to the surface and every emotion came out. My heart was beating so fast, I started to cry a little and then smile and shake my head in utter confusion. The text was simple, hey...how are you? I responded and before I knew it we were having a conversation about wrestling and trading cards, as if nothing ever happened between us. Then at the very end of that conversation he asks if I wanted to grab dinner Friday night. I agreed and so we are meeting tomorrow at 730. I have had all sorts of thoughts roll through my head. Is this a good thing? Do I really want to see him? What does he want to talk about? Does he have something important to say he feels he owes it to tell me in person? Or does he just want to catch up? Are we just remaining friends? Are we going to try this thing again? Do I want to try this thing again? For the past 2 months I was waiting for this very moment and now I'm more nervous than I've ever been. I'm more cautious and have more of a guard up, but he knows me too well already. What will other people think of me? Will people support me? Will people disown me? I don't even know what this is yet! But I do know this, I miss him the same everyday. The pain is so much less than it was the first few days and weeks. I still love him. But I don't know if I want to be with him, my heart says yes but my mind says I would be stupid to get back with him. But I guess we will see how it plays out and take everything slow. I will keep you posted.
Peace&Love
~L
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