Something I Always Think 'What If' About

Well folks there are a lot of things I think what if about. My life is filled with what ifs. But if I had done the what ifs would I be where I am today or the person that I am? I like to think the what ifs are the choices we decided were wrong for our lives at the moment and now we look back on them and think what if I were more popular in highschool? What if I had given it one more chance? What if I went to a different school? What if I graduated with a different degree? What if I had more money? And the list goes on. But we can't look back on our lives as a series of regrets, we made choices that we thought were right for us at that moment. As we got older we realized maybe some of those things were not the greatest choices, but we can't revel in that. We have to accept the fact that we can't go back and correct the what ifs.

I sometimes think about my college chioces and think what if I had stayed at MLC and finished out being a teacher...would I be happy with that career choice? Would I be happy with where I would have ended up? I do know that I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now, having met the people I have, wouldn't have had the opportunities I did, I wouldn't have experienced a wonderful year with a wonderful guy last year, and I wouldn't have experienced the heartbreak that came with it. But I think, it was all part of the greater plan God has for me.

There are a lot of times I think about my choice to try online dating. I wouldn't have met the boy and had the best times with him and wonderful memories, even though we aren't together anymore. I feel sometimes that if I hadn't met him I wouldn't of had this terrible, suffocating, pain, but at the same time, it has made me stronger. I feel that because of knowing him, I learned a lot. I became more confident in myself and I did become more happy. I didn't know that level of happiness could exist, but it does. And I'm sure at some point down the road I will exceed that level of happiness again. Even though I wish things between us weren't over, being apart has allowed me to work on me again. I realized I'm no longer tethered to anything. It is simply me. As much as I would love to get back together with him and will wait for him, I can't hold on forever and leave my life in limbo. I have to move on from it and take it as a lesson, not as a what if anymore. He made a choice that I have to live with. And if somewhere down the road our paths meet again, I hope we can sit as friends and talk about our lives.

Peace&Love
~L