Fears. Everyone has them. I don't typically like to talk about my fears, especially the big ones. (No, I don't mean like spiders and centipedes and heights.) I'm talking about the fears that shake you to your core because it directly effects you and your life. I like to make people believe that I'm fearless. I push the limits sometimes because I'm not afraid to get hurt or get caught. I don't want people to see me weak or not brave enough. I want everyone to see me as being strong and capable of anything I set my mind to. Honestly, though, I'm not that way. I'm terribly afraid of my future and the unknown. I'm afraid I will be stuck here in this limbo land of my life. The same sick cycle over and over again. I know I have control over my own life and I can change my life at any moment. I'm not afraid to take that risk. I actually welcome the unknown in that regard. I'm ready for anything that would change my life while I can change someone else's life. I'm fearful of failing or not being happy in whatever I would choose and hate that feeling of being stuck, but again, I know I can change my own life if I want. I'm afraid I'm never going to find exactly what I love in my life, that perfect job, that perfect man, whatever it is. Sometimes I would just like to know the future and know everything turns out good, but I suppose what fun would that be if I knew what my entire life would be like? I just don't want to see my life as a failure. I'm not afraid to take risks and push limits, but I'm afraid of never getting that opportunity. I'm afraid I'm going to come to my last day on earth, alone, unhappy. I guess sometimes you just have to trust in yourself and your journey. It is all how you make it.
Peace&Love
~L
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