Christmas is Here

I find it strange that Christmas is upon us again...already. I understand now more than ever the stress associated with this holiday. As a child, I distinctly remember getting ready and excited to wake up Christmas morning to a living room full of presents. The anticipation as a youngster was there more than it is as an adult. Over the past few years I've just given Christmas a passing glance. It's not one of my favorite holidays, but I remember enjoying it once. As I reflect on Christmases past, I realize what is not there, is the traditions that I did. My siblings and I would always take turns picking out of our advent calendars and reading a Christmas story every night leading up til the Day. I remember being a piano student and having to perform in front of everyone on Christmas Eve and the practice that went into it. I'd have to be in the Christmas Eve program at school/church. After the program we'd have my family come over to eat and open gifts. This happened this way for years and years. Then something changed. The children grew up. The children began to move away for college. Getting together as a big family was virtually impossible. Then my parents split and that changed it all for good. Maybe the anticipation of Christmas went out the window when things began to change. When things weren't the same as before and never will be again.

I feel right now being the age I am, not having children, or my own family, that I'm ok with not fully enjoying this holiday. I like giving gifts to those I love to see the reactions on their faces. I'm not the greatest fan of spending the money. I also don't feel worthy enough to receive all the gifts I get. I also don't feel the preparations for the holiday. I haven't done a whole lot to get me into the mood of the season. And in two days this will be all done and gone. In a blink of an eye. I feel like its the same monotonous thing over and over, every year. Maybe, one day, when I'm married and have a family I will feel differently about this time of year.

In a week people I will be looking forward to 2014!

Peace&Love
~L