Backstabbing Biotches

I know I've already posted today, but I have anger brewing inside me and it needs to flow out somewhere. This is where it is spilling out! I'm not going to use names except for mine to keep their privacy at bay. For starters my friend, Jill, was having issues with her boyfriend but wasn't really telling me what was going on. A long time ago she gave me her facebook password and I have never needed it for anything. Since I felt a little left out as to what was going on I decided to see if her password would still work and sure enough it did. I looked around but didn't find much about her boy situation. But something caught my attention, my name was mentioned in a message. I saw it briefly clicked away and my interest was caught so I decided to click back. This message was from 3 years ago so really it shouldn't effect me as much as I'm letting it effect me now. But it's because Jill was basically my best friend and was until about 1 hr ago. Three years ago I was attending my second college and I knew a few people who went there. I didn't know that many though. Jill introduced me to one of her close friends Tasha. I had met Tasha before and felt that she didn't really like me. Anyways she was being really nice to be the first few days and she added me on facebook. Then all of a sudden out of the blue she deleted me and blocked me. I wasn't going to let it bother me but I was curious what I ever did to her, becuase I knew she was still on facebook. So asking Jill about it she said that she didn't know that maybe I should talk to Tasha about it. I never did and perhaps I should have. This brings me to this moment now. Tasha sent Jill a message and said "your friend Laurel is such a creeper. She is so mean. I don't get how people can be that mean to someone they don't even know. you should block her like I did." Then Jill replied, "Yeah I know she is such a creeper she added my friends Tim and Melissa. She must have been looking through my pages again. I don't even think she knows Tim. I swear she wants to be just like me or something. Yeah I totally should block her. lol." Tasha replied with, "OMG I told my mom about your creeper friend Laurel and she said lots of people are like that and want to be like someone else." Jill replied with, "Oooo I want to be just like Jill...thats what Laurel's thinking." I continued to scroll down out of curiousity to see if I would be mentioned again. I was in a post about a year later. Jill told Tasha about a concert and said that I was also going. Tasha said "ooo geez I guess I will have to act on my best behavior otherwise Laurel will get angry at me." Jill said, "She's really not that bad and lots of fun when Melissa's not around."

Melissa happens to be a good friend of mine also and so I didn't like the fact that this was said. I was irritated that a year ago she's calling me a creeper and now I'm fun?!?! WTF!?!?! I've done a lot with Jill in the past 3 years- I've gone on vacation with her to Florida and N.Carolina, stayed at her place over Christmas break and she treats me so nice to my face. The funniest thing is that she was getting so annoyed with Tasha and was talking crap about Tasha behind her back. I just went along for the ride. I was played like a fool. I was used. I want to believe that Jill was just saying those things because she felt pressured by Tasha. But I just don't think its true. The Jill I knew would have stood up for me and wouldn't have talked about anyone behind their backs. Yes I guess now you could say I was creeping. But honestly, if I was creeping then and saw that I would have said something then. I think thats proof enough that I wasn't creeping just because I had her facebook password. And I'm justifying it but I know Tasha has the password too. I thought we were passed the age of this stupid stuff. I feel that Tasha was afraid I was going to take her place in her friendship with Jill. I feel she just had to start something. I was never mean to her. I wanted to get to know her. She chose not to get to know me or be nice to me. I just don't even know what to do. I want to send Tasha a fb message and be like you are pathetic and need to grow up. I also want to send Jill a message and be like ok yes I happened to be creeping and stumbled upon this message. I know it was 3 years ago, but do you still feel that way? Did you really feel that way? Was I just something easy for you to screw over and use in any capacity you could? What did I ever do to you? Then I want to delete her as a friend, but I realize I'd just be stooping to their level. I need to be the bigger person!

Am I really a mean person? I like to think that I'm generally nice. I'm actually really shy around people I first meet. Or was this just a case of someone else becoming jealous and finding a way to tear me down? Whatever the case I'm annoyed and pissed. I feel used. I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore. PERIOD! It makes me wonder what everyone else thinks of me and says about me behind my back! You know if you have an issue with me say it to my face and we can avoid this whole problem!

Congrats Graduates

It's hard to believe that another school year has come and gone. This weekend seems to the popular weekend to graduate! A lot of my friends from MLC were finishing up their last year and graduated today. I was able to view the event online which was awesome. I was excited to see where everyone was going to be teaching. The calls were for all over the country from Washington to Virgina from Florida to Michigan and everywhere in between. For the first time as I watched this ceremony I realized thats going to be me really soon. Its so hard to imagine that the day is finally here. It's exactly what every person works so hard at for so long and in a blink school is done. Graduation day is done. Life as you know it is over and a new chapter begins. So to all the graduates across the USA and the world I congratulate you on a job well done! Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!

YEAH!!

Car Accident

So yesterday I was on my way to school and got into a very minor car accident. The old lady was doing a u-turn in front of a big neighborhood sign. Although she should not have been doing a u-turn there anyways. She was driving a tiny beetle bug and by the time I saw her it was too late. I slammed on my breaks as hard as I could but wasn't very successful! The lady was really nice about it and we exchanged information and didn't have to get the police involved. Other than the fact that I was a little shaken up, I was not hurt. Basically this confirms my idea that everyone should take a drivers ed class every 10 years, along with renewing their liscense. People need to learn the rules of the road!

The Ding/dent

I'm Awesome

Yeah thats right I'm awesome! Another week of Insanity nearly complete. This week was a recovery week so there was less intense workouts. A lot more focus was aimed at core balance. So I'm happy to say that my core was burning by the end of every workout. I also realized how strong I am compared to a few months ago. Long story short I was essentially kicked out of my current housing so they could remodel or whatever. I'm not exactly sure. With no other place to live on campus I decided to ask a friend who lives off campus what she thought of me moving into her place. She was fine with it and so I've been moving a lot of my stuff over there. I didn't realize how much crap I actually have. I donated a lot to Goodwill and threw a lot of junk out. However, I still have a load of stuff that I seriously don't know how I managed to get it all and need it all. Anyways back to the point of this, a lot of my bins weighed an excessive amount, where before I might have just asked a man for help. Now those bins aren't so heavy anymore and thats an awesome feeling. I can see the muscles in my arms where flabbiness used to be. Unfortunately from a lot of heavy lifting and banging into things I have bruises all over the place. But the majority of it has been moved. Its the light and random crap I have left. Now I'm just relaxing until I officially get signed out and kicked out.

Halfway Point

I failed to keep you aware of my Insanity workouts. I'm at the halfway point and I can't say I see much change in my physical appearance. I do feel like I have more energy and overall I've lost about 5 pounds since I started 4 weeks ago. But I guess most people aim to lose about 1-2 pounds a week and if thats the case I guess I've done good. I'm still not anywhere close to where I want to be on the scale yet, but I'm more happy with the spike in energy and boost of self-confidence.

Other news and notes:
The past few days alone have been a crazy rollercoaster. One day they are telling me I can't graduate until December and that I have to take an extra summer class because I screwed up. However, it was my advisor who told me wrong. I had a flat tire that same day and I was like screw everyone! I don't remember the last time I cried that hard and for so long. I guess you could say I was ready to burst! But then things were back on the rebound and looking ok. I'm still freaked about paying for my final 3 classes. I tried to relax over the weekend. Do a little studying for finals. Then I find out a few hours ago that I may need to take another class during summer, because the class they were going to substitute in for me apparently I had a D in. I told them they could use one of my hundreds of other courses instead that I passed. So I'm back on my heels again. There is no way I'm taking 5 courses this summer. I might as well then wait and take them in fall if they are going to be stupid about it! I really shouldn't be worried about them being able to substitute something else in for the course, because I have so many. It's a matter of getting it signed off on. So now I have an exam that I have to take in 20 minutes and all I can think about is this other stuff! Why does it feel like I'm running in endless circles? I feel like I'm caught in this trap that I'm never going to get out of. When is it going to be my turn to have something really truly great happen?

Hope its a funk

The past few days I've been in this funk. I feel like crap and no one cares. It probably doesn't help that the weather has been cloudy and rainy the past few days either. I also thought I was done running around campus trying to make sure everything for my graduation is taken care of, but I'm not. I'm meeting with the dean again today, because he was supposed to substitute some of my transfer classes in as other classes so I wouldnt have to take them. Knowing that apparently nothing has been done yet terrifies me. I've already paid my graduation application fee for the summer so I better be able to get all this taken care of. I also needed my advisor to sign my application but he hasn't been in his office during office hours. I wait as long as I can before I have to go to work or my next class, he never shows. Shouldn't he be in his office during office hours? SO I sent him an email earlier this week and asked him when he'd really be around. Then he basically blamed me for not picking the right time to tell him. Really? REALLY? I've been waiting and searching and you're never there thats why I waited so long. And now he's not going to be around until he randomly shows up for finals. So I don't know who is going to sign it. Then I've been having an issue trying to find the person who is responsible for cancelling one of my summer classes. I've been in email contact with him and late last week he asked me when I was free this week. So I sent him multiple emails of when I was free and no word. WTF? Now we are in exam week so I'm not sure if he will be around during summer. If I can't get this taken care of, I might have to hang around for just one class in fall and I'm not going to do that. I'm just so fed up with all of this. They want us to take responsiblity for making sure this all gets done, but then no one is ever around when you need them. This is probably why I feel in a funk. Also because I'm still not sure how I will pay for summer classes. My dad thinks that I have no loan money left, but i'm not sure how I would find that out. I think I will feel 10 times better after my meeting if we get everything taken care of. The only issue is I still need to find the guy about my cancelled class. I've told all of these people that I am graduating in August no if's ands or buts about it, except its not official until I get the sheet signed and turned in. Urgh! Maybe later today I will tell you how it went!

Life

Life is not a race but indeed a journey. Be honest. Work hard. Be choosy. Say thank you, I love you and great job to someone each day. Go to church, take time for prayer. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Let your handshake mean more than pen and paper. Love your life and what you've been given, it is not accidental-search for your purpose and do it as best you can. Dreaming does matter. It allows you to become that which you aspire to be. Laugh often. Appreciate the little things in life and enjoy them. Some of the best things really are free. Do not worry, less wrinkles are more becoming. Forgive, it frees the soul. Take time for yourself, plan for longevity. Recognize the special people you have been blessed to know. Live for today, enjoy the moment. ~Bonnie Mohr