It's finally summer here in the good ole Midwest. Unfortunately, not for long. Today is the first day we have topped 90 all year! Although, up here in Wisconsin we don't typically see 90 very often. Maybe for a few days during the summer and that's it. Around here we've had a rather cool summer, barely even reaching 80. I can't really complain about that. I hate days when its that hot out. I prefer to have temps in the 70's.
Other than the weather not much new or exciting is happening in my life. I guess that is a good thing. I've been busy enjoying the weather and having another baby shower. I feel like babies are popping up everywhere. Work is going to start picking up here again and its going to be really stressful. That is all for now. Hopefully soon I will have some great exciting things to share with you all.
Peace&Love
~L
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Progress
If you have been reading my blog from the beginning you know my live/hate relationship with exercise. Most of the time I love it because I'm sort of a health nut. I'm cautious about what I put in my body and want to keep it as young as possible by exercise. Recently I've been in a rut. After staying at someone else place in between moves for nearly a month I maybe ran once. When I moved into my now place, initially it was hard to get moving again. Baby steps.
I've never been an avid runner mainly because I find running boring at times and also because it hurts. I used to run a lot more often and actually did fall in love with it but it's been hard to get out and do it. I'm not entirely sure why. A couple of years ago I bought the Insanity workout program and lived it. I did it with a friend the first time through. It was great to have someone hold you accountable. I lost a lot of weight after the first go round. Then a few months later I decided to do it again. And still saw results. Neither time did I follow their food program. I just chose the right foods to eat. I also never really had a sweet tooth and therefore sugary foods were never a temptation for me. Luckily, they still aren't. After struggling a few months ago to find a program that I loved I decided to give T25 a shot. I knew working 12 hour days M-F I needed something short but still felt like work. I started it about a month ago and haven't seen tremendous results. I feel more energy but that's about it. I also push myself through the whole workout. Maybe it's because I've done insanity multiple times my body has reached it's plateau or I need to keep pushing through the next couple of weeks to see results. Perhaps it's also the way I'm eating. I'm not eating horribly but it hasn't always been the best. That is something I need to work on. Baby steps.
Peace&Love
-l
I've never been an avid runner mainly because I find running boring at times and also because it hurts. I used to run a lot more often and actually did fall in love with it but it's been hard to get out and do it. I'm not entirely sure why. A couple of years ago I bought the Insanity workout program and lived it. I did it with a friend the first time through. It was great to have someone hold you accountable. I lost a lot of weight after the first go round. Then a few months later I decided to do it again. And still saw results. Neither time did I follow their food program. I just chose the right foods to eat. I also never really had a sweet tooth and therefore sugary foods were never a temptation for me. Luckily, they still aren't. After struggling a few months ago to find a program that I loved I decided to give T25 a shot. I knew working 12 hour days M-F I needed something short but still felt like work. I started it about a month ago and haven't seen tremendous results. I feel more energy but that's about it. I also push myself through the whole workout. Maybe it's because I've done insanity multiple times my body has reached it's plateau or I need to keep pushing through the next couple of weeks to see results. Perhaps it's also the way I'm eating. I'm not eating horribly but it hasn't always been the best. That is something I need to work on. Baby steps.
Peace&Love
-l
Saturday, July 12, 2014
I Feel All Alone
Yes I'm having a pity party for myself. I shouldn't. There is no reason to at all. I just am in one of those moods. I have an instagram account and who these days doesn't? I follow some family and friends and I guess you could say I'm envious of their lives. I feel like these people have the best lives. They are hanging out with their friends from highschool and college and I don't even know that I have friends. I've always been cautious about who I let in my life because I have this trust issue. I feel like I've turned away from a lot of my friends from college because I don't want people to judge me for the person I've become. They are all very religious and I find that great and amazing, but I have slowly walked away from practicing religion and moved more to I accept what other people believe. I believe in God and what he has done for me, but I no longer attend church. I've had many a discussion with a girl from one of my jobs who is a devout Christian, think Duggar family. It's not that I don't care or don't believe, because I do, I've just become more worldly. I'm not sure that is necessarily better. I know that was a long tangent that almost has nothing to do with me being lonely, but their is a connection, because it wasn't too long ago I was very serious about my faith and practicing and these people, these friends were the core and the encouragement I needed to keep going. I've pushed a lot of people away and I'm not proud of that fact.
I do also realize that people get older and change. Most of my friends are married and have children or don't even live in the state, making it very difficult to maintain relationships. I haven't really stayed in contact with anyone via email or text, mainly because I don't know what any of their phone numbers are. I've pushed my best friend from high school away because I knew how avid a Christian she was and I didn't want her to scare away the boy at the time. Maybe you could say I was living a double life. I told him that I didn't really go to church anymore, which was true and that I still had beliefs, he however didn't, and maybe I was so sucked in to him and wanting to be with him that I changed that huge part of my life. Now realizing how lonely I am, I find myself turning to the person who I abandoned above all others, God. I knew deep down inside I still carried some sort of faith. But that hasn't been put into practice recently. In the past few weeks, I've realized how much I want God to be a main focus in my life again. Whether boy approves or accepts of that is on him. I would love for him to practice and try going to a church with me. But I know that's a long shot, since he never grew up in any sort of religion. I feel like I wouldn't feel so lonely if I brought God back into my life. I know right now, its going to be predominately prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit.
Wow this has really gotten off topic, but my point here is maybe reconnecting with God will help be reconnect with some of the friends I lost along the way. I don't want to just sit and waste my life away alone and bored. I know I have to be willing to put myself out there and be willing to meet new people who share similar interests as me.
I'm done having a pity party now.
Peace&Love
~l
I do also realize that people get older and change. Most of my friends are married and have children or don't even live in the state, making it very difficult to maintain relationships. I haven't really stayed in contact with anyone via email or text, mainly because I don't know what any of their phone numbers are. I've pushed my best friend from high school away because I knew how avid a Christian she was and I didn't want her to scare away the boy at the time. Maybe you could say I was living a double life. I told him that I didn't really go to church anymore, which was true and that I still had beliefs, he however didn't, and maybe I was so sucked in to him and wanting to be with him that I changed that huge part of my life. Now realizing how lonely I am, I find myself turning to the person who I abandoned above all others, God. I knew deep down inside I still carried some sort of faith. But that hasn't been put into practice recently. In the past few weeks, I've realized how much I want God to be a main focus in my life again. Whether boy approves or accepts of that is on him. I would love for him to practice and try going to a church with me. But I know that's a long shot, since he never grew up in any sort of religion. I feel like I wouldn't feel so lonely if I brought God back into my life. I know right now, its going to be predominately prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit.
Wow this has really gotten off topic, but my point here is maybe reconnecting with God will help be reconnect with some of the friends I lost along the way. I don't want to just sit and waste my life away alone and bored. I know I have to be willing to put myself out there and be willing to meet new people who share similar interests as me.
I'm done having a pity party now.
Peace&Love
~l
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Feelings of Jealousy
I admit that I feel this way. I don't like to say that I'm jealous of people because I like supporting and being happy for people. I shouldn't feel jealous at all but I do. A few months ago I was promoted at work. I became health and safety coordinator. One step lower than assistant director. Basically, I am third in command. More responsibility has been delegated on me and I also am opening manager. However, I have felt that this responsibility is shifting and being given to preggers. I love her as a friend and I get her being 8 months pregnant it's hard to do much anymore other than mainly sitting in the office doing that kind of work. Our director and assistant director have been off a lot recently so they like having the extra help when the other one isn't around. All of this is fine and dandy but I feel as though being third in command I should be the one pulled out of the room to get to do this stuff. Next week our director is gone for a conference leaving just the AD and I know preggers will be her second in command all week. Especially on Monday when both of them are out of the building I should have been designated the task of being in charge but instead preggers is and I don't find that to be fair. Again I understand she is limited because of her pregnancy but then don't tell me im going to be in charge and then take that away. I know it shouldn't be something I get upset about but she is getting trained to do all of this stuff that I thought I'd be learning and start getting trained in. I don't know what to do or if I should say how I feel about the situation because I already know what the answer will be. She's pregnant. She can't do much else. It's almost like she is part of the club and in with the higher ups by simply being pregnant. Would things be this way if she wasn't? I guess I can't think like that. I suppose this gives me more reason to find a better job.
Peace&love
L
Peace&love
L
Saturday, July 5, 2014
I've Been Gone For Too Long
I can't believe how long it's been since I've written anything. As you know I left on my last post on a down note. Things weren't going so well for me. I can't say things have gotten worse but things aren't totally making me happy. Let me try to catch you up to speed as to where I am right now. (Excuse me if things are not typed correctly I'm using my phone. I am currently without internet so it becomes more of a hassle to go elsewhere to get internet.) everything that happened with my living situation luckily to care of itself quickly. I looked at a few places in my price range and settled on a small one bedroom not too far from where I work and easy access to everything. I wasn't able to move in until the middle of May but was fortunate a friend from work and her husband took me in for 3 weeks. That was a fun time with them and I appreciate getting to spend more time with her. More on her later in the post. I had help from my dad and ex boy moving me in and reality set in... I was living alone. For the first time ever in my life. I was severely independent from a young age and that hasn't changed. I had always wanted to live alone but could never afford to. I didn't think I could this time either but watching my finances has helped. Ex boy has gone through a lot of personal/emotional issues as of late wanting to get back together and then not. We are currently together and I'm happy to a degree. He for awhile was happy to be together and wanted to marry me. Up until last week things seemed to be going well. However, he has seemed really distant and seems to be doing the opposite of what I loved about him. I'm trying to change in order to make it work but he seems so set in his ways nothing will change him. I just have to be careful and guarded. I do love him and always will but right now something seems to be missing and that is lack of communication on his end. Trying to have a conversation is like pulling teeth. Above all I want to be happy. I am happy when I am with him and look forward to our time together but lately he is making me question everything and maybe it's time to move on. Let him find himself first.
That's pretty much the big news in my life this far most everything else has been small details. Becky as mentioned above is super pregnant and will be having a boy in August. We had a surprise baby shower for her which she almost ruined. I reconnected with my best friend from highschool and hopefully we can start doing more together. My grandparents celebrated 65 years of marriage and we had a wonderful weekend celebration for them. I've done lots of beach time and weekend relaxing but right now I'm needing a week long vacation away from this state. Whether it's me a lone or with a friend or with boy. I also hope to start keeping up with this blog. It's a great release for me.
Peace&love
L
That's pretty much the big news in my life this far most everything else has been small details. Becky as mentioned above is super pregnant and will be having a boy in August. We had a surprise baby shower for her which she almost ruined. I reconnected with my best friend from highschool and hopefully we can start doing more together. My grandparents celebrated 65 years of marriage and we had a wonderful weekend celebration for them. I've done lots of beach time and weekend relaxing but right now I'm needing a week long vacation away from this state. Whether it's me a lone or with a friend or with boy. I also hope to start keeping up with this blog. It's a great release for me.
Peace&love
L
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Life is Chaos
You never really know how strong of a person you are until life just keeps handing you obstacle after obstacle and you are standing there incapable of stopping it. The weight of the world is crushing down on you and you are completely helpless. No one ever asks to be given struggles in life. No one likes having to deal with hardships. Life isn't easy. I don't mean to be a Debbie downer, but the reasons for me not being on here or taking the time to make this blog become something more, is because life has got the best of me. Just when I think I'm going to catch my breath from that one difficult period, life laughs at me and says, 'oh sweetie, we are just getting started on the bad things.' Better saddle up and enjoy the ride, looks like this is going to be the year of struggles. I feel like I've had struggles every year and I always think that year, man this year has been tough, but honestly, this one has been by far the toughest I can remember. We are only 4 months in and I'm ready for a fresh start a new year. I know I shouldn't just look at the bad things, but my blessings as well, but right now, I can't remember the last time something good happened. So far this year...car accident, all the stress of buying a car and now paying car payments, still working 2 jobs-was hoping to put that second job to rest, but can't now because I need to find a place to live in less than 3 weeks, my boyfriend dumped me, but not for a very good reason, and in the past 2 weeks I've spent a majority of my time in the hospital/doctor trying to find out what was wrong with me.
The looking for a place to live was all just brand new stuff that my roommates decided to spring on me 2 days ago. I was unaware however, how much time I would have to get out of here. I figured they would wait til their lease was up at the end of May, but it looks like they will be gone on the 9th. They haven't actually told me that, just overheard it in a conversation they had. All of this was made possible because he decided to take forever and wait to renew his nurse's license. Apparently, the company never received his app renewal, and since he didn't bother looking for a temp job in the mean time, they are relying on her income only to pay the bills. Well obviously, her money won't take them far, so they decided it was time to move back to Michigan. They were going to stay with family for free until they could get back on their feet. I initially understood they needed to do what was best for them. However, after overhearing their conversations with family, all of it was a lie or at least partial truths. Apparently, they already have a place lined up to live in when they get there and have jobs already lined up. It's almost as if they knew months ago they were going to be moving, but never had the balls to say anything to me. It's shady. I hate shady people. You cross me once and I wash my hands of it. I thought things would be ok, but now there will be no relationship between us. I have to look out for me and my well being. I have to ask others to help me and I'm sorry that I'm not sorry if I have to tell people at work before you get a chance to. I was given no time to find a place. So now this is the payback you get. I never asked for it to get ugly, but if you aren't going to be honest and open with me, I won't care about you. I can play dirty too. This is almost exactly what happened last year at this same time. No more can I trust people. I need to be looking out for me and only me. I appreciate the people who have offered a temporary place for me to stay.
I know I shouldn't complain about things that are happening to me. There are far worse things that I could be going through. But all I ask is that once, just once I can get through a month without something major happening. I just want something good to happen for me. I want to not be stressed. I want to be able to navigate through this and be done with it. I just need some strength to get through.
Peace&Love
~L
The looking for a place to live was all just brand new stuff that my roommates decided to spring on me 2 days ago. I was unaware however, how much time I would have to get out of here. I figured they would wait til their lease was up at the end of May, but it looks like they will be gone on the 9th. They haven't actually told me that, just overheard it in a conversation they had. All of this was made possible because he decided to take forever and wait to renew his nurse's license. Apparently, the company never received his app renewal, and since he didn't bother looking for a temp job in the mean time, they are relying on her income only to pay the bills. Well obviously, her money won't take them far, so they decided it was time to move back to Michigan. They were going to stay with family for free until they could get back on their feet. I initially understood they needed to do what was best for them. However, after overhearing their conversations with family, all of it was a lie or at least partial truths. Apparently, they already have a place lined up to live in when they get there and have jobs already lined up. It's almost as if they knew months ago they were going to be moving, but never had the balls to say anything to me. It's shady. I hate shady people. You cross me once and I wash my hands of it. I thought things would be ok, but now there will be no relationship between us. I have to look out for me and my well being. I have to ask others to help me and I'm sorry that I'm not sorry if I have to tell people at work before you get a chance to. I was given no time to find a place. So now this is the payback you get. I never asked for it to get ugly, but if you aren't going to be honest and open with me, I won't care about you. I can play dirty too. This is almost exactly what happened last year at this same time. No more can I trust people. I need to be looking out for me and only me. I appreciate the people who have offered a temporary place for me to stay.
I know I shouldn't complain about things that are happening to me. There are far worse things that I could be going through. But all I ask is that once, just once I can get through a month without something major happening. I just want something good to happen for me. I want to not be stressed. I want to be able to navigate through this and be done with it. I just need some strength to get through.
Peace&Love
~L
Sunday, March 23, 2014
On Hiatus
Sorry for the long time off, trust me it is probably not the only time in the next few weeks will be gone for a long period of time. As you can see I have my own space now a .com! I'm trying to seriously figure out how to get a better looking blog and perhaps get it off of blogger. Don't get me wrong I love blogger, and the free hosting, but as of recently, I've had too many problems to count. It's definitely time for a change around here. I'm ready to take this to the next level. But I'm about as clueless as they come for what I need to do next. I've got my domain name. Now I'm stuck. I'm reading up on things as much as possible, but sometimes the good ol' internets doesn't help me. Anyone have suggestions? I'm in dire need of them.
I don't even know where to start with what has happened in the past month. I thought that this year was going to be a good one, and we all know how well that started off. The hits just kept on coming. There is one major thing that happened, that I'm not quite ready to share or go into detail, since it breaks my heart to think about it, or say it. I'm not ready to breach that topic and I'm not ready for that chapter of my life to be over. So that has got me stressed and sad. Work has been harder. It gets more difficult everyday, mainly because I don't want to be there anymore. We are still in winter around here. Thankfully there is not much snow left, but it is freezing cold. That certainly doesn't make anything better. Especially on weekends, being cooped up inside constantly being forced to think about everything. I've also been toying with the idea of moving on my own. As much as I probably can't afford that right now, I need the time away from other people. I live with a pretty much married couple, which is alright, but I feel awkward 90% of the time and they feel more like parents, questioning where I'm going. I just want to be able to leave and come as I choose to.
I don't want you to think that all of it has been bad the past month, because it hasn't. I got 'promoted' if you will at work, to opening manager. So I get to be boss for about an hour. No raise though. I also am doing Learning Adventures, which is an extra curriculum for students to have more one on one focus. I also went to the St. Patty's Day Parade with Kelly in MKE, which was a lot of fun. Lots of people, cold weather, but good company. I know nothing terribly exciting, but its hard when my close friends aren't around or have their own lives.
This is probably my only post for awhile, while I get this whole blog thing set and going!
Help is always welcome!
Peace&Love
~L
I don't even know where to start with what has happened in the past month. I thought that this year was going to be a good one, and we all know how well that started off. The hits just kept on coming. There is one major thing that happened, that I'm not quite ready to share or go into detail, since it breaks my heart to think about it, or say it. I'm not ready to breach that topic and I'm not ready for that chapter of my life to be over. So that has got me stressed and sad. Work has been harder. It gets more difficult everyday, mainly because I don't want to be there anymore. We are still in winter around here. Thankfully there is not much snow left, but it is freezing cold. That certainly doesn't make anything better. Especially on weekends, being cooped up inside constantly being forced to think about everything. I've also been toying with the idea of moving on my own. As much as I probably can't afford that right now, I need the time away from other people. I live with a pretty much married couple, which is alright, but I feel awkward 90% of the time and they feel more like parents, questioning where I'm going. I just want to be able to leave and come as I choose to.
I don't want you to think that all of it has been bad the past month, because it hasn't. I got 'promoted' if you will at work, to opening manager. So I get to be boss for about an hour. No raise though. I also am doing Learning Adventures, which is an extra curriculum for students to have more one on one focus. I also went to the St. Patty's Day Parade with Kelly in MKE, which was a lot of fun. Lots of people, cold weather, but good company. I know nothing terribly exciting, but its hard when my close friends aren't around or have their own lives.
This is probably my only post for awhile, while I get this whole blog thing set and going!
Help is always welcome!
Peace&Love
~L
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