Trusting Your Gut

You have all heard the saying 'trust your gut'. Mainly because it's true. When you feel something is not right you are probably right about that. If you feel something is right it probably is. Sometimes life gets confusing and it's hard to trust our gut or know if the choice we are making is the right one. But trusting your gut goes beyond just making decisions in life. It's applicable to relationships.

Not too long ago I wrote about the boy. I said things felt off or different. It wasn't that I wanted to feel that way sometimes it's natural. I feel like I've written this same sad story more often than I should. I don't want people out there to judge me for the choices I made. Long story short him and I had broken up twice already. The first time was a more complicated reason than the second. The second time was because he wasn't happy with everything in his life including our relationship yet he couldn't seem to stay away. Maybe he was drawn back because he did miss me. Maybe he liked the complacency and comforts that our relationship brought. Maybe he never gave himself time to get over me. When we got back together this last time. He talked about how much he loved me and how much he wanted to marry me. He wanted to move in and showed commitment. But yet there were all these inner demons he was harnessing from why we broke up the first time and previous relationships. Things going on his family life and he couldn't see or understand how someone could forgive and love him after all he has done. I told him that's what being in love is. But no matter what I said or how much I begged him to stay and simply understand that, nothing was going to change. I know he needs to make himself better and be happy whether that includes me or not. But he said he always knew it was me. That I was the one. That maybe somewhere down the road we will run into each other and it will be perfect. The timing will be right. He will be ok with himself. It will give us time to really miss each other. Not to mention we made a pact that if we were both still single at 30 we would marry each other. Ha! This doesn't bring me much comfort though. I know this is still all fresh and getting over someone takes more than a day. But I will always feels for him different than anyone else. He was my best friend/soulmate. Maybe it's in the cards for us but right now I don't want to think about the future I want to live for now and feel every hurt and remembering every good memory between us. He told me to call if I ever needed him and that he will always be around. So I know he cares but there is always that part of me that knows I won't fully stop loving him and that I will always hold out for him only for him to find someone else. But I have to be ok with whatever happens. I do want him to be in my life at some point. Maybe I'm believing in fate.

What I believe: and even if we never talk again I want you to know that I will never love anyone like I loved you and I am forever altered by who you are and what you meant to me.


I miss him so much and I hope God brings us together again.

Peace&love
-l