It's what I'm good at. Building up walls. Hiding what actually is wrong. I don't cry often. (But that could be because I don't have lots to cry about.) I don't share my past with others, unless I completely trust you. I don't air my personal problems to just anyone. I'd rather not burden people with my problems. I don't think its that big of a deal. But everyone else is good at sharing. I'm better at listening than speaking.
My biggest defense mechanism is being way too sarcastic. People actually think I'm just mean all the time and hate my life, but honestly, that couldn't be further from the truth. I do enjoy my life and I'm naturally sarcastic. My sarcasm stems from stupid people, but people are right, maybe I do carry that too far. But its my natural defense mechanism. Someone tells me something I don't want to hear, I shoot back with that. It's not meant to be mean, I just don't like being attacked. I feel like I was pushed so hard as a kid to be this certain way and to achieve greatness. I always failed. My parents wanted me to reach this almost unrealistic height. I know my parents simply wanted to see me succeed. So now I use that and my resentment of my own failures towards other people. The pain and hurt that I never fully faced for not becoming what others wanted me to I throw at others indirectly. I'm not proud of this. I realized this as I feel like I'm beginning to push people away and I need to confront this head on. To anyone I've ever hurt or used my sarcasm too much on, I am sorry!
Peace&Love
~l
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