You never really know how strong of a person you are until life just keeps handing you obstacle after obstacle and you are standing there incapable of stopping it. The weight of the world is crushing down on you and you are completely helpless. No one ever asks to be given struggles in life. No one likes having to deal with hardships. Life isn't easy. I don't mean to be a Debbie downer, but the reasons for me not being on here or taking the time to make this blog become something more, is because life has got the best of me. Just when I think I'm going to catch my breath from that one difficult period, life laughs at me and says, 'oh sweetie, we are just getting started on the bad things.' Better saddle up and enjoy the ride, looks like this is going to be the year of struggles. I feel like I've had struggles every year and I always think that year, man this year has been tough, but honestly, this one has been by far the toughest I can remember. We are only 4 months in and I'm ready for a fresh start a new year. I know I shouldn't just look at the bad things, but my blessings as well, but right now, I can't remember the last time something good happened. So far this year...car accident, all the stress of buying a car and now paying car payments, still working 2 jobs-was hoping to put that second job to rest, but can't now because I need to find a place to live in less than 3 weeks, my boyfriend dumped me, but not for a very good reason, and in the past 2 weeks I've spent a majority of my time in the hospital/doctor trying to find out what was wrong with me.
The looking for a place to live was all just brand new stuff that my roommates decided to spring on me 2 days ago. I was unaware however, how much time I would have to get out of here. I figured they would wait til their lease was up at the end of May, but it looks like they will be gone on the 9th. They haven't actually told me that, just overheard it in a conversation they had. All of this was made possible because he decided to take forever and wait to renew his nurse's license. Apparently, the company never received his app renewal, and since he didn't bother looking for a temp job in the mean time, they are relying on her income only to pay the bills. Well obviously, her money won't take them far, so they decided it was time to move back to Michigan. They were going to stay with family for free until they could get back on their feet. I initially understood they needed to do what was best for them. However, after overhearing their conversations with family, all of it was a lie or at least partial truths. Apparently, they already have a place lined up to live in when they get there and have jobs already lined up. It's almost as if they knew months ago they were going to be moving, but never had the balls to say anything to me. It's shady. I hate shady people. You cross me once and I wash my hands of it. I thought things would be ok, but now there will be no relationship between us. I have to look out for me and my well being. I have to ask others to help me and I'm sorry that I'm not sorry if I have to tell people at work before you get a chance to. I was given no time to find a place. So now this is the payback you get. I never asked for it to get ugly, but if you aren't going to be honest and open with me, I won't care about you. I can play dirty too. This is almost exactly what happened last year at this same time. No more can I trust people. I need to be looking out for me and only me. I appreciate the people who have offered a temporary place for me to stay.
I know I shouldn't complain about things that are happening to me. There are far worse things that I could be going through. But all I ask is that once, just once I can get through a month without something major happening. I just want something good to happen for me. I want to not be stressed. I want to be able to navigate through this and be done with it. I just need some strength to get through.
Peace&Love
~L
